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Thank you God…someone who sees what I see…
February 12, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: %, 5, 7, 99.9, accept, advise, alcoholic, alone, analysis, anxious, ask, asleep, ass, astounded, bar, base, best, brain, building, calmly, can, chair, changed, chuckle, comfortable, communication, confident, corner, correct, correcting, counseling, couple, cozy, crazy, dash, days, daze, deflection, determined, dinner, disappeared, disgust, dream, drink, else, emphatic, entry, everything, eyes, face, fallen, familes, feeling, feelings, fidget, finances, foggy, forbid, forget, forward, friends, friendship, frustration, frustrations, fun, furture, gasket, gathered, God, goodbye, goodness, grough, gut, hallway, hands, happy, heard, hearing, heart, hell, HELP, himself, holy, home, horror, hurt, i love you, indication, initiate, input, intrigued, invest, inviting, issues, jobs, jotting, kicker, kidding, kiss, knew, learn, leave, lies, life, lifetime, look, lose, magazine, man, marriage, married, me, meaningless, mind, mirror, mouth, muster, neither, nervous, no, noise, notebook, notes, one, open, out, outside, over, parent, past, patiently, phone calls, plans, playing, please, polite, privacy, prove, question, read, red, relationship, reply, revealed, rogue, roll, roller, roommate, running, rut, salvation, saying, scribbling, sees, session, shit, shock, silence, sinking, sister, situation, smile, softly, SOMEONE, spilled, sprung, squirming, stating, table, talk, talking, tears, tests, thank you, things, trembled, true, truth, understood, up, us, voice, waiting, waiting room, wake, walked, wall, week, well, whoop, willing, work, writing, wrong, yourself | Leave a comment
When we last left our story, the counseling session had gone well and ROB was anxious to go back. Was I anxious to go back? Let’s just say I think that I was anxious about it all, our life, our marriage, our relationship, our friendships, our families and mostly my heart and feelings. Could I continue with this? Would things really change this time or was this just another rogue and I would get hurt once again? It was soon to be my time to say, THANK YOU GOD…SOMEONE WHO SEES WHAT I SEE.
I decided to invest it all…put my full effort into it and move forward. I wanted my marriage, the man I married and most importantly…our happy life. Did ROB want the same? I guess I would learn over the next couple weeks. Our counselor told us that we had to start talking more with each other. Communication in a relationship was everything; without out it, the marriage was more or less a roommate situation. Each day, I tried to come up with things to talk about. Our plans, what was happening with our jobs, finances, families and most importantly what was happening with US. Each day ROB would get up and go to work, he would give me a kiss goodbye with a I LOVE YOU. We would talk a couple of times a day, usually about nothing and then when ROB would get home dinner would be on the table. Things went well for about the first 5 days, then as usual, back to the same old rut. Back to the ever so meaningless conversations, the phone calls of being on the way home and then not showing up and then the lies once again. How can no one SEE WHAT I SEE?
For the next 7 days all I could think about was that next counseling session. How was this to work when we were only going a couple of times and we couldn’t keep it together or learn from the past and move forward to correcting the issues and finding the happiness we once had? How was I going to get across that I needed the man I married, the one who cared about me, our future and was willing to do anything to hold onto it? How was I going to get ROB to look in the mirror and wake up?
The day finally came; time to head back to the counselor. What would our conversation consist of? Would ROB & I have to initiate the conversation or would she start the conversation? Why was I so darn nervous? Was my gut trying to tell me something my brain was not willing to accept? I guess I would find out soon.
I walked into the waiting room and just as I thought the sinking feeling started. ROB was not there and I wasn’t sure once again if he would even show up. I checked us in and sat in the chair that I thought would become my chair of choice while waiting to enter into our room I thought would be our salvation. As I sat looking at a magazine, in strolls ROB. All confident and sure of himself. I remember him coming over, sitting in the chair next to me, and leaning over to softly ask me if I thought these sessions were helping me? Helping me??? Weren’t we there to help each other? Weren’t we there to work on US? Why was ROB really there? Was I the one with all the issues? My mind couldn’t even muster up a response to his crazy question. I just looked forward and the wall and my hands trembled as I tried to continue to hold the magazine.
As I sat waiting for what felt like a lifetime, I realized it had been less than 5 minutes and I heard our names being called. ROB so confidently sprung out of his chair and took off down the hallway. I followed but still in a very foggy daze after what I had just heard. It kept playing through my mind; Are these sessions helping you?
I made my way into the office and took my usual chair. ROB & I always sat facing each other and the counselor off to one side in a roller chair. The office was very cozy and inviting. Thank goodness for this as I was not ready for what our session today had in store for us.
As we all got comfortable, the counselor started; so both of you, how did these past couple weeks go? A silence fell over the room as she looked back and forth at ROB and I, and we stared at each other. ROB started saying something, I think it went well. We talked and followed your advise. Again, silence. Are you kidding me? Which house was ROB in and how can he seriously sit here and say this? THANK YOU GOD…SOMEONE WHO SEES WHAT I SEE…the counselor looked over to me and asked if this was correct? I remember looking at her and then back to ROB and saying, somewhat if it was only based on the first 5 days. A loud grough from across from me. I guess ROB didn’t agree and that’s when EVERYTHING changed. Oh if ROB had only known how that sound would open a can of whoop ass on himself like I’ve never seen before; and it wasn’t going to be from me.
Our counselor looked at ROB and asked what the noise was for? He replied to her with, we talked, did more things together, went out, had fun and she says something like that? The counselors reply to that was, WELL ROB, WHY WOULD SHE SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT IF IT WASN’T TRUE? True? We were going to base this on the truth? ROB doesn’t know what truth is anymore was all that was going through my mind, but I sat quiet waiting for a reply, just as she was patiently waiting. No reply. I started to fidget in the chair. ROB started to get red in the face. Oh, this was not going to be good. Then his reply, I DON’T KNOW WHY and all eyes were on me. HOLY SHIT!!! Tears started running down my face, what the hell was this? Why were there these tears, how was I to get through this. I remember wanting to just dash out of that office when my mouth opened and it all spilled out. Yes, we talked about certain things and when I tried to bring up anything serious or of matter, ROB would turn it all off and either walk away from me or get mad and just sit in silence. Then I started talking about how in the past couple weeks, there were at least 8 nights he didn’t come home, but rather went out with friends or to a bar. I never quit understood that, how someone could just go sit at a bar by themself and drink, but my ROB sure could and by the time he left the whole bar knew him and had become his new best friends. And that’s when my input in this session ended; and not because I was done, but because this was going to be a moment in time ROB would never forget.
The office we were all in became quiet for a moment. The counselor was jotting something down in her notebook. Man I wished I could get my hands on that notebook and see what she was writing and read what she was really thinking about us, our situation and how she thought she could help us. If I had only known what she was really writing in that notebook, I think I would have fallen over. She looked at ROB and started with the questions. Questions that intrigued me, but what astounded me were the responses.
It started off with family questions, why was ROB so upset with his parents, why was he taking is frustrations out on all his relationships, why didn’t he have a better relationships with his sister, did he ever take responsibility for anything bad that happened in his life, why did he always have to drink, how many drinks a week did he have, how often did he drink at home, would he and is he comfortable drinking at home alone, how many times a week did this happen, and here was the kicker…DID HE THINK HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC? I saw the frustration building in ROB as she continued question after question, his question of deflection of WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME ALL THESE QUESTIONS AND SHE IS JUST SITTING THERE…but when that last question hit, I thought he was going to lose his mind and a gasket in that room. With a chuckle, head roll and roll of his eyes, he gave an emphatic, NO! Again, more scribbling in that notebook! What was she writing?
As she calmly sat back, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing…ROB, BY WHAT YOU HAVE TOLD ME AND OUR CONVERSATIONS, I BELIEVE I WOULD BE 99.9% CORRECT IN ME ANALYSIS OF YOU BEING AN ALCOHOLIC. What, did I hear that correctly? Had I fallen asleep and this whole thing was a dream? As I sat there and the conversation continued, I knew this was no dream. ROB, in a voice of disgust and horror replied with the most determined NO WAY IN HELL. You have no idea what you are talking about. I am not sure why, but that comment I remember brining a smile to my face, to this day I am not sure why, but I also remember thinking…THANK GOD…SOMEONE WHO SEES WHAT I SEE. The counselor continued stating; I am sure that if you were to take the tests, the results would come back with her assessment being correct. ROB continued to look her in the eye while squirming in the chair saying she had no idea what she was talking about. Her reply, if he was so certain, take the test and prove her wrong. That’s when my last remaining hope disappeared. With that ROB said an other stern NO and got up and walked out. I sat there looking at the counselor. Neither one of us saying a thing and I wasn’t sure if our session was over, should I also leave or would ROB come back? Who was I kidding, we both knew he wasn’t coming back and that’s when she said, I don’t know if I will see you or both of you again, but if I don’t, I wish you well and please look out for yourself. What has been revealed in just these couple of sessions to me, is a clear indication that this won’t end well for you. I stood up in shock, gathered my things, said a polite thank you and made my way out of her office. I remember standing in the hallway to gather myself as I was very nervous as to what I was going to have to face once I turned that corner and ran into ROB, whether it be in the waiting room, the entry, outside this office or God forbid in the privacy of our home.
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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He really wants to go back?
February 3, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 19, 20.16, 40, 5, abuse, accept, alcohol, amazing, appointments, backbone, bars, battle, beginning, big, body, campus, change, child, children, chin, close, comfortable, communicaition, control, conversation, correct, counseling, counselor, courtship, cry, deceit, domestic, down, drinking, drugs, endured, everything, expect, extended, eyes, face, failure, fear, feelings, fix, flu, forward, funniest, gambling, ged, graduate, guilty, hands, happy, health, hell, high, homework, honest, hug, hurt, hurtful, insecurities, journey, kidding, lie, life, light, listen, longest, loved, lunch, measured, meeting, minutes, mouth, moved, nervous, notes, office, out, pain, parents, passion, pouring, protective, proud, question, real, rehashing, relationship, restaurant, richest, room, school, seats, shinning, shocked, silent, sister, situation, son, spirits, stern, strain, streaming, strength, stronger, support, talk, tears, throw up, times, tissue, tough, treatment, truth, turmoil, unbiased, understand, unsettlinmg, upbringing, waiting, walking, warmth, wave, wedding, whiplash, wiped, woman, womanizing, women, world, wrenching, written, years, yelled, yelling | 2 comments
What a journey it’s been so far…the courtship, the whooing, the wedding, the gambling, drinking, womanizing, lies and so much more…and HE REALLY WANTS TO GO BACK?
Go Back; how do we go back after all this hurt? Could counseling really help our situation? Would ROB really be honest to the counselor? Would ROB really listen to what I was saying and accept & understand my feelings? One will only know by showing up and going to the appointments. So that’s exactly what I did. Chin held high and at stern backbone, I walked into that waiting room and decided to make this the FIRST day of my new marriage & happy life.
When ROB walked through the door, I thought thank goodness, 1/2 the battle is over, he did show up. He seemed to be in good spirits although with the wrenching of his hands, I knew he was nervous. Why would he be so nervous? Did he finally realize that he would have to open up about everything and tell the truth? Did he even know what the truth was anymore? Was he just going to lie about everything again today and say he did what I asked so that was that? I guess I would find out in the next 5 minutes.
Sitting in that waiting room, neither one of us said anything to each other. I hope this wasn’t any indication as to how the meeting was going to go. I looked up and there she was, our counselor. ROB said he wanted to see a women so I made sure that we did that to make it easier on him. Yep, you heard me right, make it easier on HIM…why, I have no idea. She brought us back to her office and we all took our seats. The conversation started out very light and then like a flu coming on in full strength, everything just started pouring out of my mouth! I couldn’t help it nor could I stop it! All the lies, hurtful things said, gambling, drinking and more was put in front of us and her. I remember looking at ROB with tears streaming down my face and then when I finally stopped our counselor handed me a tissue and asked ROB what he had to say about what I just said. He said he had no idea…NO IDEA? Who the hell are you kidding? I have yelled at you, written you notes, given you the silent treatment, had my parents talk with us and you have NO IDEA??? I just looked at the counselor. She kept a very unbiased look on her face, but I could see the pain in her eyes and that’s when things changed. She asked me about my upbringing and I told her my parents were happily married; oh yes, they had their issues but always worked through them, I have one sister that got married when she was 20 and was still very happily married with 3 lovely children, I had a great up bringing and am VERY close to my family. We talked about the health issues and the strain it put on our marriage that first year. She told me that I can’t feel guilty for that as it was out of my control and that I should expect nothing but the full support of my husband during those tough times.
That’s when she looked at ROB; you could see the fear in his eyes. He did not want to go any further. The counselor explained to him that we had to go all the way back in order to move forward…it made me question, did HE REALLY WANT TO GO BACK? ROB started to talk; telling about his parents; their turmoil relationship, the drinking and being taken to bars while they got drunk, the domestic abuse his mom endured, his sisters issues with drugs, alcohol, her having a child at 19, how he moved out at 16 didn’t graduate high school and never got his GED is insecurities being around people who had them and how he never felt he measured up, the failure of his first marriage, the walking out on his son and not being apart of his life for the first 5 or so years. Even though I had heard most of this it still shocked me that one person had gone through so much. For some reason when I listened to ROB talked, I saw & heard the hurt that almost 40 years had over ROB, but I also had a VERY unsettling voice YELLING at me from my gut!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING AND HOW DO “YOU” THINK YOU CAN FIX THIS? I thought I was going to throw up. How could we ever get past all of this and how much more was I going to have to endure in order to get to those happy times? Again, that thought…HE REALLY WANTS TO GO BACK?
I am not sure why or where my need to feel like I have to fix EVERYTHING has some come from. I was raised in a very supportive family; and when I say family I don’t just mean my immediate family, but my extended also and let’s just say that they are not only supportive but VERY protective. They would do anything for any of us if we just asked for it. Why can’t I ask for help when I need it? To this day, I am a very proud woman who has the most difficult time asking for any sort of help.
Back to the story, HE REALLY WANTS TO GO BACK? Back to what? Does he even know how to live with out the lies, deceit, gambling & drinking? Does he know how to live happily without having to be drunk all the time to get that happiness? Does he realize people like him for him; not for the person he thinks they all want him to be? Can he live in a real world where he may not be the richest, funniest or big man on campus all the time? Then it hit me…CAN I LIVE WITH A MAN WITH THIS MANY DISFUNCTIONS?
It is amazing what can all come out in just one hour and how you can view things differently when you are listening to someone and hearing them tell someone who knows how to ask the correct questions. Our session ended. I was surprised when the counselor asked us to make another session in a couple of weeks and if we would do some homework before our next session and ROB said YES. I think I almost gave myself whiplash when I did the double take at his words.
On our way out, ROB asked if I would go have lunch with him and talk about what happened in that last hour. I got the biggest wave of warmth over my whole body and I wanted to cry! Did it happen? Did ROB finally see what was going on and truly want to make a new beginning and a new beginning with me? Of course I wanted to go to lunch and talk about this. This was going to be our course to betterness & change. Have a session and then talk about it, how we were going to work together to become stronger and work TOGETHER to make this marriage not only the best ever but one that was so strong nothing would EVER come between us again.
When we got to the restaurant, we talked about everything. ROB loved the counselor and felt very comfortable with her. He actually said he was excited to go back to our next session. I didn’t think anything could have wiped that smile of my face that I was so proudly shinning from my face. After about another hour of rehashing over what was said, asking questions of each other and feeling like we could move the world, we both agreed we had to get back to work. We walked out and ROB gave me the biggest and longest hug, looked me in the eyes and told me how much he loved me. YES!!! THIS was the man I married and cared about.
I remember THAT DAY; all the happiness, genuine heart-felt feeling & passion it brought and have to wonder, CAN HE REALLY GO BACK AND CHANGE OR IS HE JUST BUYING MORE TIME? More time for what though?
Would this happiness, honesty and communication last forever, until the next session or just for that day? Only time would tell. Would we or could we even make it to the next session?
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
So, in a brief but very stressful 3 years, ROB has lost his job, embezzled from his partner from a business I started for him, drinking all the time and told me he was going to file for a divorce. Now doesn’t this sound like something every girl dreams of? This is surely not how my childhood dream of marriage was when I pretend.
Well, it’s time to face the true hard facts, JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…ROB started to not come home at night. Oh I would call and he would say I am on my way, an hour would pass, two would pass and I would call again only to hear the same lie I was told 2 hours ago, I am on my way home. Things got so out of hand with ROB’s drinking; I would sit up at night in my office watching out the bay window for his truck to pull into the driveway, just crying. What the hell did I ever do to deserve this in my life? At first it started out a few hours later than what he had told me; than it progressed to not coming home until well after 5am or so. Then, he started not coming home at night. I got the bullshit line of, I am at our friends house right in the neighborhood and too drunk to come home. RIGHT!!! You think I am that dumb? I knew he was fucking other women at other people’s houses. Little did ROB know, was that the bouncers at the bars and such were telling me so. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT CAN’T GET WORSE, one day I got up to go to work and ROB had not only driven home drunk, but puked down the whole side of his truck. I went to work, called him to try to talk with him and he told me I had no idea what I was talking about and that he only puked because he was coughing so hard. WHATEVER! I didn’t know what to do.
Due to our financial situation which was so far in debt we couldn’t go a day without a bill collector calling, ROB started gambling on top of everything else. I had never had to deal with a gambler so I was not sure how to deal with this new obstical in my marriage.
ROB’s mother has victoriously been a recovered alcoholic for 17 years of her life at this point in time of mine. So with my head hung low and my tail between my legs, I called her for advise. Now wouldn’t you think with this being your child and your only boy, you would jump into action to help him? I almost fell off my chair when I was talking with her. I remember crying on the phone and asking her to please keep this conversation strictly between her & I as I would really get in trouble with ROB for discussing our problems with his family. So I started telling her about the drinking and how it had progressed out of control, the gambling, the embezzlement and now the not coming home at night. Do you all know what her reply was to me? She said in a very direct voice and matter of factly…I am so sorry you are going through this. The best I can tell you is that if I had known then, what I know now, I would have left years ago. ROB is his father’s son and that is a matter of fact with what you are telling me here. Get out while you can. Don’t look back and go find something or someone who does make you happy. WHAT??? What the hell is this? Aren’t you the guys mother? Aren’t you worried about him and want to help him? I couldn’t say a word! I just sat there. All I could muster up was I had to go. I must have sat on the couch a good couple hours staring out the window. What am I to do?
That conversation was never spoke about again. About a month later, ROB went out on a binge, drinking and not coming home. I had learned that on nights when he didn’t come home, he was going to MYSTIC LAKE CASINO playing high stakes blackjack. I began to log onto the computer in my office and watch the bank accounts get drained. It would start out, with a withdrawal of $532.35 ($500.00 to gamble and $32.35 for a withdrawal fee). however, on this particular night, I watched as ROB cleared our bank account of $12,000.00. Tears streamed down my face for a good 4 hours. Yes, I had a minny melt down throwing things, breaking things and became someone who I didn’t know. This is not my personality or who I was. It was almost 9am when I went to bed. ROB & I shared a california king bed. I was shaking and crying so hard; the whole bed was shaking. Around 11am, ROB strolled in the door. Came into the bedroom and asked why I was still in bed. I just laid there; told him I knew what he had just done and that I couldn’t live like this anymore. ROB came to the bed, tears starting to stream down his face and him laying over my legs with his chest and arms and calmly said…I know I need help, I am willing to do anything you want cuz I don’t want to lose you and I can’t live without you in my life. Since I had had all night to think about this, I calmly replied, we have to start counseling and I mean immediately. However, I am NOT going to save you from this. You must find the counselor, make the appointment and show up to all the sessions. He agreed and I told him that I would not forget this conversation, so if he was just talking to calm me down, let’s just forget the whole deal and go our separate ways. He said absolutely not and that he would make the appointment right away.
Well, since I wanted my marriage to last; I found the counselor, made the appointment and told ROB when & where we were to be. I showed up and was very shocked when ROB actually walked through the door. Oh my! We were actually going to do this. Maybe he really did care, maybe he really did want help, MAYBE he really couldn’t live without me….who was I kidding?
As we walked into that office, how was I EVER to prepare myself for what was about to happen! JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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What’s around that next corner?
January 27, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 401k, 48, account, accounting, answer, attack, aunt, bail, bastard, boys, bridge, business plans, cancer, car, career, closed, college, complain, corporate, counseling, crashed, credit, credit score, dad, deal, dealership, degree, depression, dept of revenue, designs, diagnosed, dig, diploma, divorced, dream, embezzled, entertaining, experience, family, fired, forged, forward, fucking, girl, ground, happily, heart, heart attack, hell, high school, honey, honeymoon, hope, hours, industry, intelligent, IRA, irs, job, kidding, laid, laid off, life support, listening, locations, logo, lord, lot, lucky, market, marriage, money, obstacals, partner, plan, play, question, real estate, run, sales, school, score, sites, sitting, situation, sun, taxes, thank you, Thanksgiving, thinking, tired, travel, understanding, ungrateful, work, worry, wrong | 2 comments
As you remember, I made it through Thanksgiving and I couldn’t follow through with my plan. I know, you are sitting there thinking what the hell is wrong with this girl, right? Well, trust me, I was thinking the same thing. But I forged forward and hope this was a one of a kind situation and that we would never have to cross this sort of bridge again. BOY WAS I WRONG!
I never could have managed to dream of all the obstacles I was going to face in my first year of marriage. Let’s just take a quick run down…quit my corporate job to start a real estate career, less than 30 days after our marriage, ROB got laid off (truly fired so he admitted 3 years later into the marriage), my dad had a heart attack the day we got home from our honeymoon, my aunt was taken off life support the day after Thanksgiving, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, ROB was job hoping or out at the bars…CUZ HE WAS IN A DEPRESSION, and I was supposed to be understanding. Oh I was understanding all right…
I was so understanding and so tired of listening to him complain about everything under the sun, that I told him it was time to start his own used car sales lot. Since he had over 15 years experience in the car industry, let’s start a business and make this work. So, since ROB doesn’t even have a high school diploma and I have a college degree and in accounting for that fact, guess who got to get the bulk of starting this business? YEP, ME!!! What a lucky girl I was. Let’s not forget I was also trying to get my real estate career off the ground as well. So I would work all day at my job and then come home to work on business plans, location sites, logo designs and more on his business. Guess where good old ROB was? Yep, out at the bar chumming it up with the boys!
As we all know, the real estate business is not the place to be and I was lucky enough to get in on right before the market crashed. Just my luck right? Oh well, when I agreed to marry ROB he told me I would never have to work again or worry about money. He wanted me to have a job that I could work when I wanted to and have the ability to travel & play more. What a GREAT guy right? Let me tell you, if someone EVER tells you this; turn and run the other way so fast!!! Especially if they also proceed to tell you…OH AND BY THE WAY, I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT SCORE, 401K AND I OWE THE IRS/DEPT OF REV FOR BACK TAXES.
I bet you are sitting there thinking what the hell is wrong with this girl, right? I sure as hell was! How the hell was I to ever tell my family that this is what I got myself into. No can do! No one in my family has ever divorced or been in a situation like this. I will dig us out of this and we will live happily ever after!
A couple of years after the dealership opened, I got a call from ROB all in a panic that the partner we had gone into business was threatening to close it. What? What the hell was this about? Oh I was quickly brought up to speed all right. ROB had embezzled $18,000.00 from the business. Never told his partner, never got the ok and never told me about this either. The business partner had given ROB 48 hours to get the about back into the business account or he was going to shut the doors and move on. Bet ya all can’t even think about ROBs next move. He sat in front of me and asked WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS???? Really, are you kidding me? What was I going to do about this? His first words were when do you have a closing coming up? Why should I bail you out of this, what happened to honey you will never have to worry about money again? And first…let’s talk about where this money is? A question I did not want to hear the answer to. I am sure you all have a good idea where some of it went. The bar, yep that good old hell hole in my marriage, paying bills and entertaining. Entertaining? Who? I didn’t have time to deal with this, what were we going to go? We had no money, and lord knows he’s not intelligent enough to figure it out.
For better or worse right? Well, I closed out my 401k plan and gave him $15,000.00. Yeah, and for what? You know what I got? $15,000.00, I owe $18,000.00 where am I gonna get the last $3,000.00!!!! Uhmmmm, hellooooooo, how about a fucking thank you? Nope, not that; that would be the right thing to do! ROB told me that there was a IRA coming due on the business for $25,000.00 and I would get that to put back into my 401k. Yeah, right! I told the ungrateful bastard to figure the remaining money out for himself.
Think this is getting good? Wait until you read the next entry!!! Marriage counseling…who doesn’t want to go there? Oh yes we did!
Look for my next entry and we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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