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Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
So, in a brief but very stressful 3 years, ROB has lost his job, embezzled from his partner from a business I started for him, drinking all the time and told me he was going to file for a divorce. Now doesn’t this sound like something every girl dreams of? This is surely not how my childhood dream of marriage was when I pretend.
Well, it’s time to face the true hard facts, JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…ROB started to not come home at night. Oh I would call and he would say I am on my way, an hour would pass, two would pass and I would call again only to hear the same lie I was told 2 hours ago, I am on my way home. Things got so out of hand with ROB’s drinking; I would sit up at night in my office watching out the bay window for his truck to pull into the driveway, just crying. What the hell did I ever do to deserve this in my life? At first it started out a few hours later than what he had told me; than it progressed to not coming home until well after 5am or so. Then, he started not coming home at night. I got the bullshit line of, I am at our friends house right in the neighborhood and too drunk to come home. RIGHT!!! You think I am that dumb? I knew he was fucking other women at other people’s houses. Little did ROB know, was that the bouncers at the bars and such were telling me so. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT CAN’T GET WORSE, one day I got up to go to work and ROB had not only driven home drunk, but puked down the whole side of his truck. I went to work, called him to try to talk with him and he told me I had no idea what I was talking about and that he only puked because he was coughing so hard. WHATEVER! I didn’t know what to do.
Due to our financial situation which was so far in debt we couldn’t go a day without a bill collector calling, ROB started gambling on top of everything else. I had never had to deal with a gambler so I was not sure how to deal with this new obstical in my marriage.
ROB’s mother has victoriously been a recovered alcoholic for 17 years of her life at this point in time of mine. So with my head hung low and my tail between my legs, I called her for advise. Now wouldn’t you think with this being your child and your only boy, you would jump into action to help him? I almost fell off my chair when I was talking with her. I remember crying on the phone and asking her to please keep this conversation strictly between her & I as I would really get in trouble with ROB for discussing our problems with his family. So I started telling her about the drinking and how it had progressed out of control, the gambling, the embezzlement and now the not coming home at night. Do you all know what her reply was to me? She said in a very direct voice and matter of factly…I am so sorry you are going through this. The best I can tell you is that if I had known then, what I know now, I would have left years ago. ROB is his father’s son and that is a matter of fact with what you are telling me here. Get out while you can. Don’t look back and go find something or someone who does make you happy. WHAT??? What the hell is this? Aren’t you the guys mother? Aren’t you worried about him and want to help him? I couldn’t say a word! I just sat there. All I could muster up was I had to go. I must have sat on the couch a good couple hours staring out the window. What am I to do?
That conversation was never spoke about again. About a month later, ROB went out on a binge, drinking and not coming home. I had learned that on nights when he didn’t come home, he was going to MYSTIC LAKE CASINO playing high stakes blackjack. I began to log onto the computer in my office and watch the bank accounts get drained. It would start out, with a withdrawal of $532.35 ($500.00 to gamble and $32.35 for a withdrawal fee). however, on this particular night, I watched as ROB cleared our bank account of $12,000.00. Tears streamed down my face for a good 4 hours. Yes, I had a minny melt down throwing things, breaking things and became someone who I didn’t know. This is not my personality or who I was. It was almost 9am when I went to bed. ROB & I shared a california king bed. I was shaking and crying so hard; the whole bed was shaking. Around 11am, ROB strolled in the door. Came into the bedroom and asked why I was still in bed. I just laid there; told him I knew what he had just done and that I couldn’t live like this anymore. ROB came to the bed, tears starting to stream down his face and him laying over my legs with his chest and arms and calmly said…I know I need help, I am willing to do anything you want cuz I don’t want to lose you and I can’t live without you in my life. Since I had had all night to think about this, I calmly replied, we have to start counseling and I mean immediately. However, I am NOT going to save you from this. You must find the counselor, make the appointment and show up to all the sessions. He agreed and I told him that I would not forget this conversation, so if he was just talking to calm me down, let’s just forget the whole deal and go our separate ways. He said absolutely not and that he would make the appointment right away.
Well, since I wanted my marriage to last; I found the counselor, made the appointment and told ROB when & where we were to be. I showed up and was very shocked when ROB actually walked through the door. Oh my! We were actually going to do this. Maybe he really did care, maybe he really did want help, MAYBE he really couldn’t live without me….who was I kidding?
As we walked into that office, how was I EVER to prepare myself for what was about to happen! JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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A toast to remember…
January 25, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 10, 100th, account, addoration, adoration, adored, amazement, bank, bar, beloved, better, bitch, bouquet, boys, bracelet, camera, cared, casino, casual, celebrating, change, cina, closer, conclusion, conversation, couch, crying, dad, Davidson, door, drinking, driveway, enjoy, entry, evening, fat boy, fight, flowers, gamble, garage, gas, ghostly, guest room, Harley, Harley Davidson, health, heart, house, hug, husband, jackass, job, juice, kill, kitchen, lake, look, manipulate, marriage, married, mingling, mom, money, mouth, mystic, mystic lake casino, name, no, overnight, pete, picture, poorer, pour, protect, relax, replayed, richer, road, ruined, short, shower, shut, sickness, single, sister, smelt.journey, sorry, sparkling, spent, standing, station, step-son, storm, sunroom, table, tears, tennis, tennis bracelet, thank, Thanksgiving, three, tilt, tilting, trip, wine, worse, years | Leave a comment
Who could think that in 4 short and I mean very short months; one girl can go from being with a man she thought adored her, to actually being with someone who would & could do everything to hurt, manipulate and use her? You maybe wondering how I come to this conclusion with just one fight and some name calling, right? Well, let’s take a really quick trip down another short road that happened. In the three months prior to our first Thanksgiving together, ROB, lost his 3 figure income, talked to me about purchasing a used Harley Davidson…which I agreed to but only in the amount of roughly $10,000.00 as he had not found another job yet, had started to gamble (and NOT on a casual basis), and started staying out later and later with THE BOYS at the bar. Oh and not to mention, that jackass pulled up in the driveway with not a used Harley Davidson, but a brand new 100th addition Fat Boy with a customer paint job. He put me on the back of that damn thing and took was going to take me on a ride to meet some of our other BIKER FRIENDS!!!!! I was so tense he turned around a mile from our home. Before the bike reached the driveway I think I was on the couch and ready to kill someone. ROB, decided to come in and ask me, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? My problem, oh know you want to know MY PROBLEM? Let’s see, we agreed on something and ROB couldn’t even make that work. Oh, I will tell you what MY PROBLEM is…I let him have it! Again I almost for batem restated the conversation we had about that $10,000.00 bike in the garage! He admitted it was more like $25,000.00 he spent and that he had been SINGLE for almost 10 years and I couldn’t expect him to change overnight! Oh REALLY!!! I had NEVER been married and I had NEVER had to talk to ANYONE about my money or how I spent it…but I was trying! So, I simply explained it to him that when I purchased a $25,000.00 TENNIS BRACELET that only I would get the use out of, he best keep his damn mouth shut and accept it! His reply…YOU WOULD NEVER…no I didn’t think I would, but things changed and so had I!
Along with this new Harley…I had watched ROB gamble over $2,000.00 away one evening…not even really an evening, but a couple hours. You are probably wondering why this is so upsetting, right? Well, it was because he had already been out drinking for a rough 5 hours and I was sitting at home watching the money come out of the bank account when he had called and said he was on his way home! Oh yeah, I in my pajama’s stormed into Mystic Lake Casino and let him have it!
So, know that you have a little more into my WONDERFUL life, let’s get back to that wonderful first Thanksgiving dinner.
As you remember, I had been up all night trying to figure out what to do and make a dinner for 10 people. Yep, his parents, sister, my parents & my step-son. The table looked perfect with MY best china, the house smelt great and all was in place. When ROB finally decided to wake up and journey up to the kitchen from the guest room in our lower level where he slept that night, the first thing he saw was me in the kitchen crying. Do you know what his first words were? Yep, HONEY WHAT’S WRONG? Are you kidding me…with swollen red eyes, I spun on him and asked YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S WRONG? I WILL TELL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH WHAT’S WRONG! I married someone I thought had a heart and cared about me, but what I got was someone who only cared about himself and fuck the rest of the world or those in it. He just stood there. To his amazement, I asked him directly; DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID TO ME LAST NIGHT? His reply, not really. I started to laugh, if I only had had a camera to take a picture of him tilting his head and trying to figure out what was going on. I replayed the night instance for instance and word for word and then I added…SO LET’S DO THIS! He just stood there. I told him; he best get a move on, he still had to go pick up our son from his moms and people would be coming soon. At this point, he looked at me with a ghostly look on his face and said, I don’t really thing we should have Thanksgiving and I don’t think Pete (name changed to protect him) should come over either. I didn’t even face him with my reply of, OH HELL NO! WE ARE DOING THIS AND PETE WILL BE HERE ALSO. GET MOVING.
As ROB went off to shower, I took a deep breath and made my way from the kitchen to our sun room to sit and look out and get my plan together. Oh I wanted everyone there for this one. I thought how perfect this was going to be and I was going to leave him holding the spoon of guilt and having to answer LOTS of questions; especially from my mom & dad whom would not have a clue as to what just happened.
My plan…in my mind, this is how it was going to go. Since this was our first joint family gathering and everyone was expecting things to be special, I wanted to make the moment special. With that said, I saw things going down something like this:
Everyone would take their places at the table, I would bring over the turkey (that by the way was GREAT and everyone did love it), and once everyone was seated, I was going to pour the wine for those that did drink and sparkling juice for those that didn’t. At this wonderful moment, I was going to stand next to my newly BELOVED husband and say:
FIRST OFF, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR COMING TO OUR HAPPY HOME AND CELEBRATING THIS; OUR FIRST HOLIDAY TOGETHER. PLEASE EAT THIS TURKEY I HAVE SPENT ALL NIGHT PREPARING FOR YOU AND ENJOY! HOWEVER, SINCE MY ADORABLE HUSBAND PLANS TO FILE FOR DIVORCE TOMORROW I WILL NOT BE JOINING YOU.
And with that I was going to storm out the door and leave. Where I was going to go or what I was going to do…that I wasn’t sure of. But I am sure I would come up with something.
When ROB came home from picking up Pete, he had a gas station bouquet of flowers, a huge hug and tears with tons of SORRY’s. Only problem was, I had received so many of these bouquets, hugs and sorry’s, it didn’t really matter to me. But you know what somewhere, it did.
As the families started to come, I had a hard time looking at anyone or even mingling with anyone. My mom asked what was wrong & if she could help with anything so that I could relax a little. NO! I didn’t want to relax or have to look or talk with my parents! Then I would have lost it and started to cry all over again and my plan would be ruined.
My plan was ruined by my own heart. As we all gathered around the Thanksgiving table, I couldn’t do it! I looked into the eyes of my step-son that had such adoration, I saw my parents standing there and thought I can’t cause all this hurt for them and his family! Well, I wasn’t sure what his family would think, but I didn’t want to be the one that walked out on my marriage.
I took those vows, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, FOR RICHER OR POORER, IN SICKNESS & IN HEALTH. I told myself, this was his sickness & we would get through this also.
WOULD WE GET THROUGH THIS?
Look for my next entry and we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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