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What would happen at home?
February 19, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: %, 99.9, aa, access, afford, alcoholic, alcoholics, anger, anonymous, assessment, away, bed, bedroom, bedside, being, bigger, biggest, call, change, cheek, claimed, closer, computer, conclusion, contact, conversation, couch, counselor, course, crossed, crying, day, dealing, dealt, deck, definite, demons, depressed, door, doorway, drinking, drive, end, energy, entry, everything, exist, explain, face, family, financial, fix, friends, garage, go, God, golf, golf course, google, happen, happy, haunted, hearing, HELP, home, house, imagined, impress, information, insight, issues, kiss, last, lean, learned, lie, lifetime, loud, love, marriage, married, me, medical, mind, minutes, mom, morning, my, next, night, no, office, opinion, org, over, own, parents, people, perfect, person, pictures, planned, please, post, predicament, pretty, problem, question, reading, RECOGNIZE, Rob, sat, screen, sitting, situation, sleep, stand, staring, start, strength, talk, tell, think, thinking, thought, tough, website, worked, wow | Leave a comment
In my last post; you will recall the counselor told ROB that she was 99.9% sure that if an assessment were to be done, that it would come back and show that he was an alcoholic. 99.9% sure…WOW!!! That’s pretty definite and for someone to say something like that must be a sign that finally someone saw what I was seeing, but the bigger question was, what was ROB gonna do about it if anything. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AT HOME?
The drive home that day seemed like a drive that was never gonna end and all I kept hearing was 99.9% sure, 99.9% sure, 99.9% sure. Over and over and over. My drive time home was only about 15 minutes, but it seemed like a lifetime that day. Then I started thinking, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AT HOME, would ROB take out his anger on me, would ROB go drinking, even come home or what? Should I call him and see? What would I say, how would I start a conversation with him? Should I call my parents and talk with them or better yet, call ROB’s mom and see what she thought. NO, came back very loud in my mind, I can’t call ROB’s mom. She didn’t even want to help me before I had a medical opinion, what makes me think she would want to help me now. If there was one thing I had learned since being married to ROB and dealing with his family, they never dealt with issues but turned the other cheek and just hoped the issue or problem would go away. Well, that’s not how my family was. In my family, we talk about everything and lean on each other when times get tough. Boy was I in a bigger predicament than I could have ever imagined.
I remember pulling into the garage and just sitting in my car for about anther 30 minutes. Once I made it into the house, I went and sat on our deck that overlooked a golf course. Oh yes, our home was nice. ROB always tried to impress people with things he couldn’t afford and his biggest lies were the ones he told himself. Lies about our financial situation, lies about how perfect our marriage was, lies about me, lies about his personal life and the demons that haunted him. If there was one thing I knew, was that I could not change a person or help them unless they wanted help. Most importantly, I needed to help myself now. What did I need? That was something I needed to figure out. I had started to lose so much of myself in this marriage and started to become someone I didn’t even recognize. Oh sure, I could put on a happy face in front of our family & friends, but once I crossed over that doorway into our home, I became a depressed person. I remember not even wanting to get out of bed most days. Now, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AT HOME?
ROB came home that night and started in on me. He claimed he didn’t know how, but that I had gotten to the counselor and made her say those things and that he was not an alcoholic, he was not now or EVER going back to another counseling session and that he would fix what ever needed to be fixed on his own. ON HIS OWN…that was the last thing that was said about it that night as I remember getting up from the couch, going to our bedroom, closing the door and crying myself to sleep.
One thing ROB never knew, I had a two pictures of us in my night stand and almost every night I would pray to GOD for him to give me the strength to get through this and to give me double the strength to make it through another day to finding the person that I first had fallen in love with. Would that person ever be able to come back to me? Did that person even exist anymore.
The next morning, ROB got up, got ready to go to work and came to my bedside, gave me kiss and off he went. Little did he know what I had planned for my day. With what little energy I had, I got out of bed and went to my office. I decided I need to make a call to ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, I wasn’t sure where they were, how I would explain my situation, use our real names or how all this worked. So I decided to GOOGLE it. WWW.GOOGLE.COM then to ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, there it was….WWW.AA.ORG. I think I just sat staring at that computer screen for the next 30 minutes. Then I did it, I made the call.
How could I have possibly known WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AT HOME, next.
If you are dealing with someone who you think maybe or is an alcoholic, please contact ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS and get help. You can access their website at www.aa.org to find out more information.
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
So, in a brief but very stressful 3 years, ROB has lost his job, embezzled from his partner from a business I started for him, drinking all the time and told me he was going to file for a divorce. Now doesn’t this sound like something every girl dreams of? This is surely not how my childhood dream of marriage was when I pretend.
Well, it’s time to face the true hard facts, JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…ROB started to not come home at night. Oh I would call and he would say I am on my way, an hour would pass, two would pass and I would call again only to hear the same lie I was told 2 hours ago, I am on my way home. Things got so out of hand with ROB’s drinking; I would sit up at night in my office watching out the bay window for his truck to pull into the driveway, just crying. What the hell did I ever do to deserve this in my life? At first it started out a few hours later than what he had told me; than it progressed to not coming home until well after 5am or so. Then, he started not coming home at night. I got the bullshit line of, I am at our friends house right in the neighborhood and too drunk to come home. RIGHT!!! You think I am that dumb? I knew he was fucking other women at other people’s houses. Little did ROB know, was that the bouncers at the bars and such were telling me so. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT CAN’T GET WORSE, one day I got up to go to work and ROB had not only driven home drunk, but puked down the whole side of his truck. I went to work, called him to try to talk with him and he told me I had no idea what I was talking about and that he only puked because he was coughing so hard. WHATEVER! I didn’t know what to do.
Due to our financial situation which was so far in debt we couldn’t go a day without a bill collector calling, ROB started gambling on top of everything else. I had never had to deal with a gambler so I was not sure how to deal with this new obstical in my marriage.
ROB’s mother has victoriously been a recovered alcoholic for 17 years of her life at this point in time of mine. So with my head hung low and my tail between my legs, I called her for advise. Now wouldn’t you think with this being your child and your only boy, you would jump into action to help him? I almost fell off my chair when I was talking with her. I remember crying on the phone and asking her to please keep this conversation strictly between her & I as I would really get in trouble with ROB for discussing our problems with his family. So I started telling her about the drinking and how it had progressed out of control, the gambling, the embezzlement and now the not coming home at night. Do you all know what her reply was to me? She said in a very direct voice and matter of factly…I am so sorry you are going through this. The best I can tell you is that if I had known then, what I know now, I would have left years ago. ROB is his father’s son and that is a matter of fact with what you are telling me here. Get out while you can. Don’t look back and go find something or someone who does make you happy. WHAT??? What the hell is this? Aren’t you the guys mother? Aren’t you worried about him and want to help him? I couldn’t say a word! I just sat there. All I could muster up was I had to go. I must have sat on the couch a good couple hours staring out the window. What am I to do?
That conversation was never spoke about again. About a month later, ROB went out on a binge, drinking and not coming home. I had learned that on nights when he didn’t come home, he was going to MYSTIC LAKE CASINO playing high stakes blackjack. I began to log onto the computer in my office and watch the bank accounts get drained. It would start out, with a withdrawal of $532.35 ($500.00 to gamble and $32.35 for a withdrawal fee). however, on this particular night, I watched as ROB cleared our bank account of $12,000.00. Tears streamed down my face for a good 4 hours. Yes, I had a minny melt down throwing things, breaking things and became someone who I didn’t know. This is not my personality or who I was. It was almost 9am when I went to bed. ROB & I shared a california king bed. I was shaking and crying so hard; the whole bed was shaking. Around 11am, ROB strolled in the door. Came into the bedroom and asked why I was still in bed. I just laid there; told him I knew what he had just done and that I couldn’t live like this anymore. ROB came to the bed, tears starting to stream down his face and him laying over my legs with his chest and arms and calmly said…I know I need help, I am willing to do anything you want cuz I don’t want to lose you and I can’t live without you in my life. Since I had had all night to think about this, I calmly replied, we have to start counseling and I mean immediately. However, I am NOT going to save you from this. You must find the counselor, make the appointment and show up to all the sessions. He agreed and I told him that I would not forget this conversation, so if he was just talking to calm me down, let’s just forget the whole deal and go our separate ways. He said absolutely not and that he would make the appointment right away.
Well, since I wanted my marriage to last; I found the counselor, made the appointment and told ROB when & where we were to be. I showed up and was very shocked when ROB actually walked through the door. Oh my! We were actually going to do this. Maybe he really did care, maybe he really did want help, MAYBE he really couldn’t live without me….who was I kidding?
As we walked into that office, how was I EVER to prepare myself for what was about to happen! JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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Your fifth clue…
January 27, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: agreement, always, clue, courts, deal, dealing, family, fifth, husband, listen, money, notarized, signed, verbal, writing | Leave a comment
When you are dealing with money…ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS put it in writing, get it signed and notarized.
A verbal agreement will not hold up ever and the courts will not listen to it even if it is your family or husband that you made the deal with.
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What’s around that next corner?
January 27, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 401k, 48, account, accounting, answer, attack, aunt, bail, bastard, boys, bridge, business plans, cancer, car, career, closed, college, complain, corporate, counseling, crashed, credit, credit score, dad, deal, dealership, degree, depression, dept of revenue, designs, diagnosed, dig, diploma, divorced, dream, embezzled, entertaining, experience, family, fired, forged, forward, fucking, girl, ground, happily, heart, heart attack, hell, high school, honey, honeymoon, hope, hours, industry, intelligent, IRA, irs, job, kidding, laid, laid off, life support, listening, locations, logo, lord, lot, lucky, market, marriage, money, obstacals, partner, plan, play, question, real estate, run, sales, school, score, sites, sitting, situation, sun, taxes, thank you, Thanksgiving, thinking, tired, travel, understanding, ungrateful, work, worry, wrong | 2 comments
As you remember, I made it through Thanksgiving and I couldn’t follow through with my plan. I know, you are sitting there thinking what the hell is wrong with this girl, right? Well, trust me, I was thinking the same thing. But I forged forward and hope this was a one of a kind situation and that we would never have to cross this sort of bridge again. BOY WAS I WRONG!
I never could have managed to dream of all the obstacles I was going to face in my first year of marriage. Let’s just take a quick run down…quit my corporate job to start a real estate career, less than 30 days after our marriage, ROB got laid off (truly fired so he admitted 3 years later into the marriage), my dad had a heart attack the day we got home from our honeymoon, my aunt was taken off life support the day after Thanksgiving, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, ROB was job hoping or out at the bars…CUZ HE WAS IN A DEPRESSION, and I was supposed to be understanding. Oh I was understanding all right…
I was so understanding and so tired of listening to him complain about everything under the sun, that I told him it was time to start his own used car sales lot. Since he had over 15 years experience in the car industry, let’s start a business and make this work. So, since ROB doesn’t even have a high school diploma and I have a college degree and in accounting for that fact, guess who got to get the bulk of starting this business? YEP, ME!!! What a lucky girl I was. Let’s not forget I was also trying to get my real estate career off the ground as well. So I would work all day at my job and then come home to work on business plans, location sites, logo designs and more on his business. Guess where good old ROB was? Yep, out at the bar chumming it up with the boys!
As we all know, the real estate business is not the place to be and I was lucky enough to get in on right before the market crashed. Just my luck right? Oh well, when I agreed to marry ROB he told me I would never have to work again or worry about money. He wanted me to have a job that I could work when I wanted to and have the ability to travel & play more. What a GREAT guy right? Let me tell you, if someone EVER tells you this; turn and run the other way so fast!!! Especially if they also proceed to tell you…OH AND BY THE WAY, I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT SCORE, 401K AND I OWE THE IRS/DEPT OF REV FOR BACK TAXES.
I bet you are sitting there thinking what the hell is wrong with this girl, right? I sure as hell was! How the hell was I to ever tell my family that this is what I got myself into. No can do! No one in my family has ever divorced or been in a situation like this. I will dig us out of this and we will live happily ever after!
A couple of years after the dealership opened, I got a call from ROB all in a panic that the partner we had gone into business was threatening to close it. What? What the hell was this about? Oh I was quickly brought up to speed all right. ROB had embezzled $18,000.00 from the business. Never told his partner, never got the ok and never told me about this either. The business partner had given ROB 48 hours to get the about back into the business account or he was going to shut the doors and move on. Bet ya all can’t even think about ROBs next move. He sat in front of me and asked WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS???? Really, are you kidding me? What was I going to do about this? His first words were when do you have a closing coming up? Why should I bail you out of this, what happened to honey you will never have to worry about money again? And first…let’s talk about where this money is? A question I did not want to hear the answer to. I am sure you all have a good idea where some of it went. The bar, yep that good old hell hole in my marriage, paying bills and entertaining. Entertaining? Who? I didn’t have time to deal with this, what were we going to go? We had no money, and lord knows he’s not intelligent enough to figure it out.
For better or worse right? Well, I closed out my 401k plan and gave him $15,000.00. Yeah, and for what? You know what I got? $15,000.00, I owe $18,000.00 where am I gonna get the last $3,000.00!!!! Uhmmmm, hellooooooo, how about a fucking thank you? Nope, not that; that would be the right thing to do! ROB told me that there was a IRA coming due on the business for $25,000.00 and I would get that to put back into my 401k. Yeah, right! I told the ungrateful bastard to figure the remaining money out for himself.
Think this is getting good? Wait until you read the next entry!!! Marriage counseling…who doesn’t want to go there? Oh yes we did!
Look for my next entry and we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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