So, in a brief but very stressful 3 years, ROB has lost his job, embezzled from his partner from a business I started for him, drinking all the time and told me he was going to file for a divorce.  Now doesn’t this sound like something every girl dreams of?  This is surely not how my childhood dream of marriage was when I pretend.

Well, it’s time to face the true hard facts, JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…ROB started to not come home at night.  Oh I would call and he would say I am on my way, an hour would pass, two would pass and I would call again only to hear the same lie I was told 2 hours ago, I am on my way home.  Things got so out of hand with ROB’s drinking; I would sit up at night in my office watching out the bay window for his truck to pull into the driveway, just crying.  What the hell did I ever do to deserve this in my life? At first it started out a few hours later than what he had told me; than it progressed to not coming home until well after 5am or so.  Then, he started not coming home at night.  I got the bullshit line of, I am at our friends house right in the neighborhood and too drunk to come home.  RIGHT!!! You think I am that dumb?  I knew he was fucking other women at other people’s houses.  Little did ROB know, was that the bouncers at the bars and such were telling me so.  JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT CAN’T GET WORSE, one day I got up to go to work and ROB had not only driven home drunk, but puked down the whole side of his truck.  I went to work, called him to try to talk with him and he told me I had no idea what I was talking about and that he only puked because he was coughing so hard.  WHATEVER!  I didn’t know what to do.

Due to our financial situation which was so far in debt we couldn’t go a day without a bill collector calling, ROB started gambling on top of everything else.  I had never had to deal with a gambler so I was not sure how to deal with this new obstical in my marriage.

ROB’s mother has victoriously been a recovered alcoholic for 17 years of her life at this point in time of mine.  So with my head hung low and my tail between my legs, I called her for advise.  Now wouldn’t you think with this being your child and your only boy, you would jump into action to help him?  I almost fell off my chair when I was talking with her.  I remember crying on the phone and asking her to please keep this conversation strictly between her & I as I would really get in trouble with ROB for discussing our problems with his family.  So I started telling her about the drinking and how it had progressed out of control, the gambling, the embezzlement and now the not coming home at night.  Do you all know what her reply was to me?  She said in a very direct voice and matter of factly…I am so sorry you are going through this.  The best I can tell you is that if I had known then, what I know now, I would have left years ago.  ROB is his father’s son and that is a matter of fact with what you are telling me here.  Get out while you can.  Don’t look back and go find something or someone who does make you happy.  WHAT??? What the hell is this?   Aren’t you the guys mother?  Aren’t you worried about him and want to help him?  I couldn’t say a word!  I just sat there.  All I could muster up was I had to go.  I must have sat on the couch a good couple hours staring out the window.  What am I to do?

That conversation was never spoke about again.  About a month later, ROB went out on a binge, drinking and not coming home.  I had learned that on nights when he didn’t come home, he was going to MYSTIC LAKE CASINO playing high stakes blackjack.  I began to log onto the computer in my office and watch the bank accounts get drained.  It would start out, with a withdrawal of $532.35 ($500.00 to gamble and $32.35 for a withdrawal fee).  however, on this particular night, I watched as ROB cleared our bank account of $12,000.00.  Tears streamed down my face for a good 4 hours.  Yes, I had a minny melt down throwing things, breaking things and became someone who I didn’t know.  This is not my personality or who I was. It was almost 9am when I went to bed.  ROB & I shared a california king bed.  I was shaking and crying so hard; the whole bed was shaking.  Around 11am, ROB strolled in the door.  Came into the bedroom and asked why I was still in bed.  I just laid there; told him I knew what he had just done and that I couldn’t live like this anymore.  ROB came to the bed, tears starting to stream down his face and him laying over my legs with his chest and arms and calmly said…I know I need help, I am willing to do anything you want cuz I don’t want to lose you and I can’t live without you in my life.  Since I had had all night to think about this, I calmly replied, we have to start counseling and I mean immediately.  However, I am NOT going to save you from this.  You must find the counselor, make the appointment and show up to all the sessions.  He agreed and I told him that I would not forget this conversation, so if he was just talking to calm me down, let’s just forget the whole deal and go our separate ways.  He said absolutely not and that he would make the appointment right away.

Well, since I wanted my marriage to last; I found the counselor, made the appointment and told ROB when & where we were to be.  I showed up and was very shocked when ROB actually walked through the door.  Oh my! We were actually going to do this.  Maybe he really did care, maybe he really did want help, MAYBE he really couldn’t live without me….who was I kidding?

As we walked into that office, how was I EVER to prepare myself for what was about to happen!  JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…

 

Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!

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