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What would happen to ME?
March 6, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 3, alcoholic, alone, arm, asleep, ass, bag, bar, bartender, beach, beds, black, blatantly, body, bonfire, brain, brother, cabin, cards, chair, China, control, couch, crazy, died, divorce, dock, doors, drinking, drinks, drug, emotions, evening, eye, eyes, fell, felt, fix, flew, flooding, floor, flow, fondling, friends, group, hand, happen, hard, haw, heart, hell, hit, home, honeymoon, horrible, hours, imiportantly, issue, jealous, kill, ladder, lane, large, late, life, lifetime, loaded, locked, long, love, man, marriage, me, memory, met, minute, money, morning, muddy, night, nights, noat, notebook, off, onboard, overnight, parties, person, phones, poured, quiet, reconnect, regina, remember, return, river, rub, safe, scurried, session, shit, shorts, sign, sister, size, slept, sorry, spare, started, stormed, stroll, sun, table, talk, tears, therapist, think, thoughts, town, track, trouble, tv's, visiting, vowed, water, waters, wedding, week, windows, work, writting, wrong | Leave a comment
In the last post, you may remember ROB was told by our therapist that she even felt that he was an alcoholic and wanted him to take a test to show her he wasn’t. Rob stormed out of that session and vowed to me that he would never return. I thought, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?
Well, like this post, I was not sure where to go next, I was not sure where to go with my life, emotions and most importantly my heart. I still loved this man, or at least the man I thought he could still be, but could he really still be in there? Was I enough to make him want to return to the person I met and fell in love with 3 years ago, did he even still want to be in this marriage…more importantly, did I want to still be in this marriage. Again, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?
It was one of the week nights I knew ROB had to work late, but more importantly wasn’t even sure he would come home at all after what happened. So I knew I had some time to think. Think LONG and HARD about what I needed to do for me, where had this marriage gone wrong, could I help to fix it and more importantly, did I want to fix it.
So time for me to stroll down memory lane and take a good hard look at things and that is exactly what I did for the next 4 hours of my life. I turned off all the phones & TV’s, locked the doors and sat with my thoughts a notebook and started writing down what had happened to me. The memories started to flow back, the first was our wedding night and how ROB was so excited to open the cards and see how much money was in the cards. That should have been a clue to me about the importance that money was going to play in our marriage. Then on our honeymoon, we went to a cabin and ended up spending the whole honeymoon sleeping in separate beds..uhmmmm HELLO!!! That one should have left a big old black eye and also the amount a drinking that went on. CRAZY.
Here is where the story gets out of control, I remembered being out on our boat one evening and we went to a bar on the river called MUDDY WATERS. I thought this was going to be great an evening out for dinner and time alone (by this I mean no friends around) and we can just talk with each other and reconnect and get things back on track. Little to my surprise did I know that I was the only one with that thought in my head. As we were sitting there talking waiting for our dinner to come, ROB went up to the bar to get us more drinks, how thoughtful right? I thought so also, until the bartender came over and started talking with me. No surprise there, but what took me off guard is when he told me that MY BROTHER; a.k.a. my HUSBAND, told him that I was his sister in town visiting and going through a horrible divorce and thought he & I would hit it off. I think my jaw hit the table and then the floor leaving a dent the size of China in the floor. I remember sitting there looking at ROB not know what to say. I finally looked at the bartender and told him thank you but that I was not interested. As he walked away, ROB started laughing. Funny…wow, if he had only know he was predicting the future of me going through a horrible divorce, only it was from him. I thought to myself, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?
Then the next instance came flooding into my brain and this one brought tears to my eyes. We were once again out on the river and one of ROBs friends was down with us. We met up with a large group of friends and some of their friends. I remember this one lady, I will call her Regina to keep all parties safe. I met her and right away I remember thinking to myself, this lady is trouble. But she was with her husband and kids so I thought I would be nice, keep my thoughts to myself and give her a chance. Later that late afternoon almost evening, ROB and I were sitting on our boat talking and I said to him that I thought Regina was a trouble maker and that he should keep is eyes open. He laughed at me and said how cute I was when I was jealous. JEALOUS??? Jealous of what? I didn’t know this women. Whatever, I thought. Well, the evening continued and I was not away that ROB & his buddy had made a bet to see which one could out drink the other….HELLO ANOTHER BIG OLD SIGN!!! I was tired and said that I wanted to go in and clean up the boat and go to bed. ROB told me that he would be in later and that he was going to sit up with his buddy and catch up. Off to the boat I went and was ready for some peace and quiet. After I got on the boat, got it cleaned up, I forgot to tell ROB that I was going to pull the ladder up so no one else would come aboard. What a surprise I got when I went out to talk with him. I went to the front of the boat and looked up to where everyone was gathered around the bonfire. I remember I had to rub my eyes a couple of times. Was that really happening, maybe I was already asleep. I stood there for what felt like a lifetime, but am sure it was less than a minute. I stood there watching as this women Regina sat in her beach chair with her hand up ROBs shorts fondling him…I almost died. I lowered that ladder flew off that boat, walked up to both of them, took her drink poured it over her and told her is she EVER came around me or my husband again, we were going to have an issue. At this time I grabbed ROB by the arm and drug him over to the boat where I told him he best get his ass on that boat and shut up. Once we were both on the boat, ROB informed me that this was going on many nights, nothing new for him to do this and that he was not staying on that boat. He also informed me that I had no control over him or what he did. That’s when he stood up said he was going back down to continue partying with his friends. I wanted to kill him right then and there. Who was he to talk to me that way and so blatantly? I told myself that it was the alcohol and that he would be sorry in the morning. I went into the cabin, locked all the doors and windows and went to sleep. After many hours of tears, the sun finally came up and so was I. I got off that boat loaded up all our stuff, threw Regina’s shit in the river and told ROB and his buddy I was taking the boat and leaving if the wanted to come they better get onboard NOW and shut the hell up. Little to my surprise, they both scurried up that ladder and off we went. ROBs buddy came up with his overnight bag and told us to stop at the local dock as he thought we needed to be alone to talk. Are you kidding me, you would leave me alone with him and all this water? Would anyone ever find the body? Again, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?
It was the longest ride back to our dock and even longer back to our home. ROB slept in the spare room or the couch that night, I am not really sure, nor did I care. The week went on and neither one of us said anything to each other. What ROB didn’t know was what I had done.
Check in soon see what I had done and see where this marriage was heading.
If you are dealing with someone who you think maybe or is an alcoholic, please contact ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS and get help. You can access their website at www.aa.org to find out more information.
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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Working with Lawyers
February 20, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: attorney, attornies, favor, hard, law, lawyers, manipulate, posts, upcoming, work, working, writting | Leave a comment
If you decide to work with an attorney or a lawyer make sure you get everything in writting.
Remember THEY know the law, how to manipulate the situation and work the outcome into their favor.
You will learn more in upcoming posts on how I learned this the hard way.
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Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
So, in a brief but very stressful 3 years, ROB has lost his job, embezzled from his partner from a business I started for him, drinking all the time and told me he was going to file for a divorce. Now doesn’t this sound like something every girl dreams of? This is surely not how my childhood dream of marriage was when I pretend.
Well, it’s time to face the true hard facts, JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…ROB started to not come home at night. Oh I would call and he would say I am on my way, an hour would pass, two would pass and I would call again only to hear the same lie I was told 2 hours ago, I am on my way home. Things got so out of hand with ROB’s drinking; I would sit up at night in my office watching out the bay window for his truck to pull into the driveway, just crying. What the hell did I ever do to deserve this in my life? At first it started out a few hours later than what he had told me; than it progressed to not coming home until well after 5am or so. Then, he started not coming home at night. I got the bullshit line of, I am at our friends house right in the neighborhood and too drunk to come home. RIGHT!!! You think I am that dumb? I knew he was fucking other women at other people’s houses. Little did ROB know, was that the bouncers at the bars and such were telling me so. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT CAN’T GET WORSE, one day I got up to go to work and ROB had not only driven home drunk, but puked down the whole side of his truck. I went to work, called him to try to talk with him and he told me I had no idea what I was talking about and that he only puked because he was coughing so hard. WHATEVER! I didn’t know what to do.
Due to our financial situation which was so far in debt we couldn’t go a day without a bill collector calling, ROB started gambling on top of everything else. I had never had to deal with a gambler so I was not sure how to deal with this new obstical in my marriage.
ROB’s mother has victoriously been a recovered alcoholic for 17 years of her life at this point in time of mine. So with my head hung low and my tail between my legs, I called her for advise. Now wouldn’t you think with this being your child and your only boy, you would jump into action to help him? I almost fell off my chair when I was talking with her. I remember crying on the phone and asking her to please keep this conversation strictly between her & I as I would really get in trouble with ROB for discussing our problems with his family. So I started telling her about the drinking and how it had progressed out of control, the gambling, the embezzlement and now the not coming home at night. Do you all know what her reply was to me? She said in a very direct voice and matter of factly…I am so sorry you are going through this. The best I can tell you is that if I had known then, what I know now, I would have left years ago. ROB is his father’s son and that is a matter of fact with what you are telling me here. Get out while you can. Don’t look back and go find something or someone who does make you happy. WHAT??? What the hell is this? Aren’t you the guys mother? Aren’t you worried about him and want to help him? I couldn’t say a word! I just sat there. All I could muster up was I had to go. I must have sat on the couch a good couple hours staring out the window. What am I to do?
That conversation was never spoke about again. About a month later, ROB went out on a binge, drinking and not coming home. I had learned that on nights when he didn’t come home, he was going to MYSTIC LAKE CASINO playing high stakes blackjack. I began to log onto the computer in my office and watch the bank accounts get drained. It would start out, with a withdrawal of $532.35 ($500.00 to gamble and $32.35 for a withdrawal fee). however, on this particular night, I watched as ROB cleared our bank account of $12,000.00. Tears streamed down my face for a good 4 hours. Yes, I had a minny melt down throwing things, breaking things and became someone who I didn’t know. This is not my personality or who I was. It was almost 9am when I went to bed. ROB & I shared a california king bed. I was shaking and crying so hard; the whole bed was shaking. Around 11am, ROB strolled in the door. Came into the bedroom and asked why I was still in bed. I just laid there; told him I knew what he had just done and that I couldn’t live like this anymore. ROB came to the bed, tears starting to stream down his face and him laying over my legs with his chest and arms and calmly said…I know I need help, I am willing to do anything you want cuz I don’t want to lose you and I can’t live without you in my life. Since I had had all night to think about this, I calmly replied, we have to start counseling and I mean immediately. However, I am NOT going to save you from this. You must find the counselor, make the appointment and show up to all the sessions. He agreed and I told him that I would not forget this conversation, so if he was just talking to calm me down, let’s just forget the whole deal and go our separate ways. He said absolutely not and that he would make the appointment right away.
Well, since I wanted my marriage to last; I found the counselor, made the appointment and told ROB when & where we were to be. I showed up and was very shocked when ROB actually walked through the door. Oh my! We were actually going to do this. Maybe he really did care, maybe he really did want help, MAYBE he really couldn’t live without me….who was I kidding?
As we walked into that office, how was I EVER to prepare myself for what was about to happen! JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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