What would happen to ME?

In the last post, you may remember ROB was told by our therapist that she even felt that he was an alcoholic and wanted him to take a test to show her he wasn’t.  Rob stormed out of that session and vowed to me that he would never return. I thought, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?

Well, like this post, I was not sure where to go next, I was not sure where to go with my life, emotions and most importantly my heart.  I still loved this man, or at least the man I thought he could still be, but could he really still be in there?  Was I enough to make him want to return to the person I met and fell in love with 3 years ago, did he even still want to be in this marriage…more importantly, did I want to still be in this marriage. Again, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?

It was one of the week nights I knew ROB had to work late, but more importantly wasn’t even sure he would come home at all after what happened.  So I knew I had some time to think.  Think LONG and HARD about what I needed to do for me, where had this marriage gone wrong, could I help to fix it and more importantly, did I want to fix it.

So time for me to stroll down memory lane and take a good hard look at things and that is exactly what I did for the next 4 hours of my life.  I turned off all the phones & TV’s, locked the doors and sat with my thoughts a notebook and started writing down what had happened to me.  The memories started to flow back, the first was our wedding night and how ROB was so excited to open the cards and see how much money was in the cards.  That should have been a clue to me about the importance that money was going to play in our marriage.  Then on our honeymoon, we went to a cabin and ended up spending the whole honeymoon sleeping in separate beds..uhmmmm HELLO!!! That one should have left a big old black eye and also the amount a drinking that went on.  CRAZY.

Here is where the story gets out of control, I remembered being out on our boat one evening and we went to a bar on the river called MUDDY WATERS.  I thought this was going to be great an evening out for dinner and time alone (by this I mean no friends around) and we can just talk with each other and reconnect and get things back on track.  Little to my surprise did I know that I was the only one with that thought in my head.  As we were sitting there talking waiting for our dinner to come, ROB went up to the bar to get us more drinks, how thoughtful right?  I thought so also, until the bartender came over and started talking with me. No surprise there, but what took me off guard is when he told me that MY BROTHER; a.k.a. my HUSBAND, told him that I was his sister in town visiting and going through a horrible divorce and thought he & I would hit it off.  I think my jaw hit the table and then the floor leaving a dent the size of China in the floor.  I remember sitting there looking at ROB not know what to say.  I finally looked at the bartender and told him thank you but that I was not interested.  As he walked away, ROB started laughing.  Funny…wow, if he had only know he was predicting  the future of me going through a horrible divorce, only it was from him.  I thought to myself, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?

Then the next instance came flooding into my brain and this one brought tears to my eyes.  We were once again out on the river and one of ROBs friends was down with us.  We met up with a large group of friends and some of their friends.  I remember this one lady, I will call her Regina to keep all parties safe.  I met her and right away I remember thinking to myself, this lady is trouble.  But she was with her husband and kids so I thought I would be nice, keep my thoughts to myself and give her a chance.  Later that late afternoon almost evening, ROB and I were sitting on our boat talking and I said to him that I thought Regina was a trouble maker and  that he should keep is eyes open.  He laughed at me and said how cute I was when I was jealous.  JEALOUS??? Jealous of what?  I didn’t know this women.  Whatever, I thought.  Well, the evening continued and I was not away that ROB & his buddy had made a bet to see which one could out drink the other….HELLO ANOTHER BIG OLD SIGN!!!  I was tired and said that I wanted to go in and clean up the boat and go to bed.  ROB told me that he would be in later and that he was going to sit up with his buddy and catch up.  Off to the boat I went and was ready for some peace and quiet.  After I got on the boat, got it cleaned up, I forgot to tell ROB that I was going to pull the ladder up so no one else would come aboard.  What a surprise I got when I went out to talk with him.  I went to the front of the boat and looked up to where everyone was gathered around the bonfire. I remember I had to rub my eyes a couple of times.  Was that really happening, maybe I was already asleep.  I stood there for what felt like a lifetime, but am sure it was less than a minute.   I stood there watching as this women Regina sat in her beach chair with her hand up ROBs shorts fondling him…I almost died.  I lowered that ladder flew off that boat, walked up to both of them, took her drink poured it over her and told her is she EVER came around me or my husband again, we were going to have an issue.  At this time I grabbed ROB by the arm and drug him over to the boat where I told him he best get his ass on that boat and shut up.  Once we were both on the boat, ROB informed me that this was going on many nights, nothing new for him to do this and that he was not staying on that boat.  He also informed me that I had no control over him or what he did.  That’s when he stood up said he was going back down to continue partying with his friends.  I wanted to kill him right then and there.  Who was he to talk to me that way and so blatantly?  I told myself that it was the alcohol and  that he would be sorry in the morning.  I went into the cabin, locked all the doors and windows and went to sleep.  After many hours of tears, the sun finally came up and so was I.  I got off that boat loaded up all our stuff, threw Regina’s shit in the river and told ROB and his buddy I was taking the boat and leaving if the wanted to come they better get onboard NOW and shut the hell up.  Little to my surprise, they both scurried up that ladder and off we went.  ROBs buddy came up with his overnight bag and told us to stop at the local dock as he thought we needed to be alone to talk.  Are you kidding me, you would leave me alone with him and all this water?  Would anyone ever find the body?  Again, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?

It was the longest ride back to our dock and even longer back to our home.  ROB slept in the spare room or the couch that night, I am not really sure, nor did I care.  The week went on and neither one of us said anything to each other.  What ROB didn’t know was what I had done.

Check in soon see what I had done and see where this marriage was heading.

 

If you are dealing with someone who you think maybe or is an alcoholic, please contact ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS and get help.  You can access their website at www.aa.org to find out more information.

Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!

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Just when you think it can’t get worse…

Just when you think it can’t get worse….

via Just when you think it can’t get worse….

Just when you think it can’t get worse…

So, in a brief but very stressful 3 years, ROB has lost his job, embezzled from his partner from a business I started for him, drinking all the time and told me he was going to file for a divorce.  Now doesn’t this sound like something every girl dreams of?  This is surely not how my childhood dream of marriage was when I pretend.

Well, it’s time to face the true hard facts, JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…ROB started to not come home at night.  Oh I would call and he would say I am on my way, an hour would pass, two would pass and I would call again only to hear the same lie I was told 2 hours ago, I am on my way home.  Things got so out of hand with ROB’s drinking; I would sit up at night in my office watching out the bay window for his truck to pull into the driveway, just crying.  What the hell did I ever do to deserve this in my life? At first it started out a few hours later than what he had told me; than it progressed to not coming home until well after 5am or so.  Then, he started not coming home at night.  I got the bullshit line of, I am at our friends house right in the neighborhood and too drunk to come home.  RIGHT!!! You think I am that dumb?  I knew he was fucking other women at other people’s houses.  Little did ROB know, was that the bouncers at the bars and such were telling me so.  JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT CAN’T GET WORSE, one day I got up to go to work and ROB had not only driven home drunk, but puked down the whole side of his truck.  I went to work, called him to try to talk with him and he told me I had no idea what I was talking about and that he only puked because he was coughing so hard.  WHATEVER!  I didn’t know what to do.

Due to our financial situation which was so far in debt we couldn’t go a day without a bill collector calling, ROB started gambling on top of everything else.  I had never had to deal with a gambler so I was not sure how to deal with this new obstical in my marriage.

ROB’s mother has victoriously been a recovered alcoholic for 17 years of her life at this point in time of mine.  So with my head hung low and my tail between my legs, I called her for advise.  Now wouldn’t you think with this being your child and your only boy, you would jump into action to help him?  I almost fell off my chair when I was talking with her.  I remember crying on the phone and asking her to please keep this conversation strictly between her & I as I would really get in trouble with ROB for discussing our problems with his family.  So I started telling her about the drinking and how it had progressed out of control, the gambling, the embezzlement and now the not coming home at night.  Do you all know what her reply was to me?  She said in a very direct voice and matter of factly…I am so sorry you are going through this.  The best I can tell you is that if I had known then, what I know now, I would have left years ago.  ROB is his father’s son and that is a matter of fact with what you are telling me here.  Get out while you can.  Don’t look back and go find something or someone who does make you happy.  WHAT??? What the hell is this?   Aren’t you the guys mother?  Aren’t you worried about him and want to help him?  I couldn’t say a word!  I just sat there.  All I could muster up was I had to go.  I must have sat on the couch a good couple hours staring out the window.  What am I to do?

That conversation was never spoke about again.  About a month later, ROB went out on a binge, drinking and not coming home.  I had learned that on nights when he didn’t come home, he was going to MYSTIC LAKE CASINO playing high stakes blackjack.  I began to log onto the computer in my office and watch the bank accounts get drained.  It would start out, with a withdrawal of $532.35 ($500.00 to gamble and $32.35 for a withdrawal fee).  however, on this particular night, I watched as ROB cleared our bank account of $12,000.00.  Tears streamed down my face for a good 4 hours.  Yes, I had a minny melt down throwing things, breaking things and became someone who I didn’t know.  This is not my personality or who I was. It was almost 9am when I went to bed.  ROB & I shared a california king bed.  I was shaking and crying so hard; the whole bed was shaking.  Around 11am, ROB strolled in the door.  Came into the bedroom and asked why I was still in bed.  I just laid there; told him I knew what he had just done and that I couldn’t live like this anymore.  ROB came to the bed, tears starting to stream down his face and him laying over my legs with his chest and arms and calmly said…I know I need help, I am willing to do anything you want cuz I don’t want to lose you and I can’t live without you in my life.  Since I had had all night to think about this, I calmly replied, we have to start counseling and I mean immediately.  However, I am NOT going to save you from this.  You must find the counselor, make the appointment and show up to all the sessions.  He agreed and I told him that I would not forget this conversation, so if he was just talking to calm me down, let’s just forget the whole deal and go our separate ways.  He said absolutely not and that he would make the appointment right away.

Well, since I wanted my marriage to last; I found the counselor, made the appointment and told ROB when & where we were to be.  I showed up and was very shocked when ROB actually walked through the door.  Oh my! We were actually going to do this.  Maybe he really did care, maybe he really did want help, MAYBE he really couldn’t live without me….who was I kidding?

As we walked into that office, how was I EVER to prepare myself for what was about to happen!  JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…

 

Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!

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A toast to remember…

Who could think that in 4 short and I mean very short months; one girl can go from being with a man she thought adored her, to actually being with someone who would & could do everything to hurt, manipulate and use her?  You maybe wondering how I come to this conclusion with just one fight and some name calling, right?  Well, let’s take a really quick trip down another short road  that happened.  In the three months prior to our first Thanksgiving together, ROB, lost his 3 figure income, talked to me about purchasing a used Harley Davidson…which I agreed to but only in the amount of roughly $10,000.00 as he had not found another job yet, had started to gamble (and NOT on a casual basis), and started staying out later and later with THE BOYS at the bar.  Oh and not to mention, that jackass pulled up in the driveway with not a used Harley Davidson, but a brand new 100th addition Fat Boy with a customer paint job.  He put me on the back of that damn thing and took was going to take me on a ride to meet some of our other BIKER FRIENDS!!!!! I was so tense he turned around a mile from our home.  Before the bike reached the driveway I think I was on the couch and ready to kill someone.  ROB, decided to come in and ask me, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?  My problem, oh know you want to know MY PROBLEM?  Let’s see, we agreed on something and ROB couldn’t even make that work.  Oh, I will tell you what MY PROBLEM is…I let him have it!  Again I almost for batem restated  the conversation we had about that $10,000.00 bike in the garage!  He admitted it was more like $25,000.00 he spent and that he had been SINGLE for almost 10 years and I couldn’t expect him to change overnight! Oh REALLY!!! I had NEVER been married and I had NEVER had to talk to ANYONE about my money or how I spent it…but I was trying!  So, I simply explained it to him that when I purchased a $25,000.00 TENNIS BRACELET that only I would get the use out of, he best keep his damn mouth shut and accept it!  His reply…YOU WOULD NEVER…no I didn’t think I would, but things changed and so had I!

Along with this new Harley…I had watched ROB gamble over $2,000.00 away one evening…not even really an evening, but a couple hours.  You are probably wondering why this is so upsetting, right?  Well, it was because he had already been out drinking for a rough 5 hours and I was sitting at home watching the money come out of the bank account when he had called and said he was on his way home!  Oh yeah, I in my pajama’s stormed into Mystic Lake Casino and let him have it!

So, know that you have a little more into my WONDERFUL life, let’s get back to that wonderful first Thanksgiving dinner.

As you remember, I had been up all night trying to figure out what to do and make a dinner for 10 people.  Yep, his parents, sister, my parents & my step-son.  The table looked perfect with MY best china, the house smelt great and all was in place.  When ROB finally decided to wake up and journey up to the kitchen from the guest room in our lower level where he slept that night, the first thing he saw was me in the kitchen crying.  Do you know what his first words were?  Yep, HONEY WHAT’S WRONG?  Are you kidding me…with swollen red eyes, I spun on him and asked YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S WRONG?  I WILL TELL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH WHAT’S WRONG!  I married someone I thought had a heart and cared about me, but what I got was someone who only cared about himself and fuck the rest of the world or those in it.  He just stood there.  To his amazement, I asked him directly; DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID TO ME LAST NIGHT?  His reply, not really.  I started to laugh, if I only had had a camera to take a picture of him tilting his head and trying to figure out what was going on.  I replayed the night instance for instance and word for word and then I added…SO LET’S DO THIS!  He just stood there.  I told him; he best get a move on, he still had to go pick up our son from his moms and people would be coming soon.  At this point, he looked at me with a ghostly look on his face and said, I don’t really thing we should have Thanksgiving and I don’t think Pete (name changed to protect him) should come over either.  I didn’t even face him with my reply of, OH HELL NO! WE ARE DOING THIS AND PETE WILL BE HERE ALSO.  GET MOVING.

As ROB went off to shower, I took a deep breath and made my way from the kitchen to our sun room to sit and look out and get my plan together.  Oh I wanted everyone there for this one.  I thought how perfect this was going to be and I was going to leave him holding the spoon of guilt and having to answer LOTS of questions; especially from my mom & dad whom would not have a clue as to what just happened.

My plan…in my mind, this is how it was going to go.  Since this was our first joint family gathering and everyone was expecting things to be special, I wanted to make the moment special.  With that said, I saw things going down something like this:

Everyone would take their places at the table, I would bring over the turkey (that by the way was GREAT and everyone did love it), and once everyone was seated, I was going to pour the wine for those that did drink and sparkling juice for those that didn’t.  At this wonderful moment, I was going to stand next to my newly BELOVED husband and say:

FIRST OFF, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR COMING TO OUR HAPPY HOME AND CELEBRATING THIS; OUR FIRST HOLIDAY TOGETHER.  PLEASE EAT THIS TURKEY I HAVE SPENT ALL NIGHT PREPARING FOR YOU AND ENJOY!  HOWEVER, SINCE MY ADORABLE HUSBAND PLANS TO FILE FOR DIVORCE TOMORROW I WILL NOT BE JOINING YOU.

And with that I was going to storm out the door and leave.  Where I was going to go or what I was going to do…that I wasn’t sure of.  But I am sure I would come up with something.

When ROB came home from picking up Pete, he had a gas station bouquet of flowers, a huge hug and tears with tons of SORRY’s.  Only problem was, I had received so many of these bouquets, hugs and sorry’s, it didn’t really matter to me.  But you know what somewhere, it did.

As the families started to come, I had a hard time looking at anyone or even mingling with anyone.  My mom asked what was wrong & if she could help with anything so that I could relax a little.  NO! I didn’t want  to relax or have to look or talk with my parents! Then I would have lost it and started to cry all over again and my plan would be ruined.

My plan was ruined by my own heart.  As we all gathered around the Thanksgiving table, I couldn’t do it!  I looked into the eyes of my step-son that had such adoration, I saw my parents standing there and thought I can’t cause all this hurt for them and his family!  Well, I wasn’t sure what his family would think, but I didn’t want to be the one that walked out on my marriage.

I took those vows, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, FOR RICHER OR POORER, IN SICKNESS & IN HEALTH.  I told myself, this was his sickness & we would get  through this also.

WOULD WE GET THROUGH THIS?

Look for my next entry and we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!

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