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What would happen to ME?
March 6, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 3, alcoholic, alone, arm, asleep, ass, bag, bar, bartender, beach, beds, black, blatantly, body, bonfire, brain, brother, cabin, cards, chair, China, control, couch, crazy, died, divorce, dock, doors, drinking, drinks, drug, emotions, evening, eye, eyes, fell, felt, fix, flew, flooding, floor, flow, fondling, friends, group, hand, happen, hard, haw, heart, hell, hit, home, honeymoon, horrible, hours, imiportantly, issue, jealous, kill, ladder, lane, large, late, life, lifetime, loaded, locked, long, love, man, marriage, me, memory, met, minute, money, morning, muddy, night, nights, noat, notebook, off, onboard, overnight, parties, person, phones, poured, quiet, reconnect, regina, remember, return, river, rub, safe, scurried, session, shit, shorts, sign, sister, size, slept, sorry, spare, started, stormed, stroll, sun, table, talk, tears, therapist, think, thoughts, town, track, trouble, tv's, visiting, vowed, water, waters, wedding, week, windows, work, writting, wrong | Leave a comment
In the last post, you may remember ROB was told by our therapist that she even felt that he was an alcoholic and wanted him to take a test to show her he wasn’t. Rob stormed out of that session and vowed to me that he would never return. I thought, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?
Well, like this post, I was not sure where to go next, I was not sure where to go with my life, emotions and most importantly my heart. I still loved this man, or at least the man I thought he could still be, but could he really still be in there? Was I enough to make him want to return to the person I met and fell in love with 3 years ago, did he even still want to be in this marriage…more importantly, did I want to still be in this marriage. Again, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?
It was one of the week nights I knew ROB had to work late, but more importantly wasn’t even sure he would come home at all after what happened. So I knew I had some time to think. Think LONG and HARD about what I needed to do for me, where had this marriage gone wrong, could I help to fix it and more importantly, did I want to fix it.
So time for me to stroll down memory lane and take a good hard look at things and that is exactly what I did for the next 4 hours of my life. I turned off all the phones & TV’s, locked the doors and sat with my thoughts a notebook and started writing down what had happened to me. The memories started to flow back, the first was our wedding night and how ROB was so excited to open the cards and see how much money was in the cards. That should have been a clue to me about the importance that money was going to play in our marriage. Then on our honeymoon, we went to a cabin and ended up spending the whole honeymoon sleeping in separate beds..uhmmmm HELLO!!! That one should have left a big old black eye and also the amount a drinking that went on. CRAZY.
Here is where the story gets out of control, I remembered being out on our boat one evening and we went to a bar on the river called MUDDY WATERS. I thought this was going to be great an evening out for dinner and time alone (by this I mean no friends around) and we can just talk with each other and reconnect and get things back on track. Little to my surprise did I know that I was the only one with that thought in my head. As we were sitting there talking waiting for our dinner to come, ROB went up to the bar to get us more drinks, how thoughtful right? I thought so also, until the bartender came over and started talking with me. No surprise there, but what took me off guard is when he told me that MY BROTHER; a.k.a. my HUSBAND, told him that I was his sister in town visiting and going through a horrible divorce and thought he & I would hit it off. I think my jaw hit the table and then the floor leaving a dent the size of China in the floor. I remember sitting there looking at ROB not know what to say. I finally looked at the bartender and told him thank you but that I was not interested. As he walked away, ROB started laughing. Funny…wow, if he had only know he was predicting the future of me going through a horrible divorce, only it was from him. I thought to myself, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?
Then the next instance came flooding into my brain and this one brought tears to my eyes. We were once again out on the river and one of ROBs friends was down with us. We met up with a large group of friends and some of their friends. I remember this one lady, I will call her Regina to keep all parties safe. I met her and right away I remember thinking to myself, this lady is trouble. But she was with her husband and kids so I thought I would be nice, keep my thoughts to myself and give her a chance. Later that late afternoon almost evening, ROB and I were sitting on our boat talking and I said to him that I thought Regina was a trouble maker and that he should keep is eyes open. He laughed at me and said how cute I was when I was jealous. JEALOUS??? Jealous of what? I didn’t know this women. Whatever, I thought. Well, the evening continued and I was not away that ROB & his buddy had made a bet to see which one could out drink the other….HELLO ANOTHER BIG OLD SIGN!!! I was tired and said that I wanted to go in and clean up the boat and go to bed. ROB told me that he would be in later and that he was going to sit up with his buddy and catch up. Off to the boat I went and was ready for some peace and quiet. After I got on the boat, got it cleaned up, I forgot to tell ROB that I was going to pull the ladder up so no one else would come aboard. What a surprise I got when I went out to talk with him. I went to the front of the boat and looked up to where everyone was gathered around the bonfire. I remember I had to rub my eyes a couple of times. Was that really happening, maybe I was already asleep. I stood there for what felt like a lifetime, but am sure it was less than a minute. I stood there watching as this women Regina sat in her beach chair with her hand up ROBs shorts fondling him…I almost died. I lowered that ladder flew off that boat, walked up to both of them, took her drink poured it over her and told her is she EVER came around me or my husband again, we were going to have an issue. At this time I grabbed ROB by the arm and drug him over to the boat where I told him he best get his ass on that boat and shut up. Once we were both on the boat, ROB informed me that this was going on many nights, nothing new for him to do this and that he was not staying on that boat. He also informed me that I had no control over him or what he did. That’s when he stood up said he was going back down to continue partying with his friends. I wanted to kill him right then and there. Who was he to talk to me that way and so blatantly? I told myself that it was the alcohol and that he would be sorry in the morning. I went into the cabin, locked all the doors and windows and went to sleep. After many hours of tears, the sun finally came up and so was I. I got off that boat loaded up all our stuff, threw Regina’s shit in the river and told ROB and his buddy I was taking the boat and leaving if the wanted to come they better get onboard NOW and shut the hell up. Little to my surprise, they both scurried up that ladder and off we went. ROBs buddy came up with his overnight bag and told us to stop at the local dock as he thought we needed to be alone to talk. Are you kidding me, you would leave me alone with him and all this water? Would anyone ever find the body? Again, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO ME?
It was the longest ride back to our dock and even longer back to our home. ROB slept in the spare room or the couch that night, I am not really sure, nor did I care. The week went on and neither one of us said anything to each other. What ROB didn’t know was what I had done.
Check in soon see what I had done and see where this marriage was heading.
If you are dealing with someone who you think maybe or is an alcoholic, please contact ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS and get help. You can access their website at www.aa.org to find out more information.
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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Your fifth clue…
January 27, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: agreement, always, clue, courts, deal, dealing, family, fifth, husband, listen, money, notarized, signed, verbal, writing | Leave a comment
When you are dealing with money…ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS put it in writing, get it signed and notarized.
A verbal agreement will not hold up ever and the courts will not listen to it even if it is your family or husband that you made the deal with.
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What’s around that next corner?
January 27, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 401k, 48, account, accounting, answer, attack, aunt, bail, bastard, boys, bridge, business plans, cancer, car, career, closed, college, complain, corporate, counseling, crashed, credit, credit score, dad, deal, dealership, degree, depression, dept of revenue, designs, diagnosed, dig, diploma, divorced, dream, embezzled, entertaining, experience, family, fired, forged, forward, fucking, girl, ground, happily, heart, heart attack, hell, high school, honey, honeymoon, hope, hours, industry, intelligent, IRA, irs, job, kidding, laid, laid off, life support, listening, locations, logo, lord, lot, lucky, market, marriage, money, obstacals, partner, plan, play, question, real estate, run, sales, school, score, sites, sitting, situation, sun, taxes, thank you, Thanksgiving, thinking, tired, travel, understanding, ungrateful, work, worry, wrong | 2 comments
As you remember, I made it through Thanksgiving and I couldn’t follow through with my plan. I know, you are sitting there thinking what the hell is wrong with this girl, right? Well, trust me, I was thinking the same thing. But I forged forward and hope this was a one of a kind situation and that we would never have to cross this sort of bridge again. BOY WAS I WRONG!
I never could have managed to dream of all the obstacles I was going to face in my first year of marriage. Let’s just take a quick run down…quit my corporate job to start a real estate career, less than 30 days after our marriage, ROB got laid off (truly fired so he admitted 3 years later into the marriage), my dad had a heart attack the day we got home from our honeymoon, my aunt was taken off life support the day after Thanksgiving, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, ROB was job hoping or out at the bars…CUZ HE WAS IN A DEPRESSION, and I was supposed to be understanding. Oh I was understanding all right…
I was so understanding and so tired of listening to him complain about everything under the sun, that I told him it was time to start his own used car sales lot. Since he had over 15 years experience in the car industry, let’s start a business and make this work. So, since ROB doesn’t even have a high school diploma and I have a college degree and in accounting for that fact, guess who got to get the bulk of starting this business? YEP, ME!!! What a lucky girl I was. Let’s not forget I was also trying to get my real estate career off the ground as well. So I would work all day at my job and then come home to work on business plans, location sites, logo designs and more on his business. Guess where good old ROB was? Yep, out at the bar chumming it up with the boys!
As we all know, the real estate business is not the place to be and I was lucky enough to get in on right before the market crashed. Just my luck right? Oh well, when I agreed to marry ROB he told me I would never have to work again or worry about money. He wanted me to have a job that I could work when I wanted to and have the ability to travel & play more. What a GREAT guy right? Let me tell you, if someone EVER tells you this; turn and run the other way so fast!!! Especially if they also proceed to tell you…OH AND BY THE WAY, I DON’T HAVE A CREDIT SCORE, 401K AND I OWE THE IRS/DEPT OF REV FOR BACK TAXES.
I bet you are sitting there thinking what the hell is wrong with this girl, right? I sure as hell was! How the hell was I to ever tell my family that this is what I got myself into. No can do! No one in my family has ever divorced or been in a situation like this. I will dig us out of this and we will live happily ever after!
A couple of years after the dealership opened, I got a call from ROB all in a panic that the partner we had gone into business was threatening to close it. What? What the hell was this about? Oh I was quickly brought up to speed all right. ROB had embezzled $18,000.00 from the business. Never told his partner, never got the ok and never told me about this either. The business partner had given ROB 48 hours to get the about back into the business account or he was going to shut the doors and move on. Bet ya all can’t even think about ROBs next move. He sat in front of me and asked WHAT WAS I GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS???? Really, are you kidding me? What was I going to do about this? His first words were when do you have a closing coming up? Why should I bail you out of this, what happened to honey you will never have to worry about money again? And first…let’s talk about where this money is? A question I did not want to hear the answer to. I am sure you all have a good idea where some of it went. The bar, yep that good old hell hole in my marriage, paying bills and entertaining. Entertaining? Who? I didn’t have time to deal with this, what were we going to go? We had no money, and lord knows he’s not intelligent enough to figure it out.
For better or worse right? Well, I closed out my 401k plan and gave him $15,000.00. Yeah, and for what? You know what I got? $15,000.00, I owe $18,000.00 where am I gonna get the last $3,000.00!!!! Uhmmmm, hellooooooo, how about a fucking thank you? Nope, not that; that would be the right thing to do! ROB told me that there was a IRA coming due on the business for $25,000.00 and I would get that to put back into my 401k. Yeah, right! I told the ungrateful bastard to figure the remaining money out for himself.
Think this is getting good? Wait until you read the next entry!!! Marriage counseling…who doesn’t want to go there? Oh yes we did!
Look for my next entry and we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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A toast to remember…
January 25, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 10, 100th, account, addoration, adoration, adored, amazement, bank, bar, beloved, better, bitch, bouquet, boys, bracelet, camera, cared, casino, casual, celebrating, change, cina, closer, conclusion, conversation, couch, crying, dad, Davidson, door, drinking, driveway, enjoy, entry, evening, fat boy, fight, flowers, gamble, garage, gas, ghostly, guest room, Harley, Harley Davidson, health, heart, house, hug, husband, jackass, job, juice, kill, kitchen, lake, look, manipulate, marriage, married, mingling, mom, money, mouth, mystic, mystic lake casino, name, no, overnight, pete, picture, poorer, pour, protect, relax, replayed, richer, road, ruined, short, shower, shut, sickness, single, sister, smelt.journey, sorry, sparkling, spent, standing, station, step-son, storm, sunroom, table, tears, tennis, tennis bracelet, thank, Thanksgiving, three, tilt, tilting, trip, wine, worse, years | Leave a comment
Who could think that in 4 short and I mean very short months; one girl can go from being with a man she thought adored her, to actually being with someone who would & could do everything to hurt, manipulate and use her? You maybe wondering how I come to this conclusion with just one fight and some name calling, right? Well, let’s take a really quick trip down another short road that happened. In the three months prior to our first Thanksgiving together, ROB, lost his 3 figure income, talked to me about purchasing a used Harley Davidson…which I agreed to but only in the amount of roughly $10,000.00 as he had not found another job yet, had started to gamble (and NOT on a casual basis), and started staying out later and later with THE BOYS at the bar. Oh and not to mention, that jackass pulled up in the driveway with not a used Harley Davidson, but a brand new 100th addition Fat Boy with a customer paint job. He put me on the back of that damn thing and took was going to take me on a ride to meet some of our other BIKER FRIENDS!!!!! I was so tense he turned around a mile from our home. Before the bike reached the driveway I think I was on the couch and ready to kill someone. ROB, decided to come in and ask me, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? My problem, oh know you want to know MY PROBLEM? Let’s see, we agreed on something and ROB couldn’t even make that work. Oh, I will tell you what MY PROBLEM is…I let him have it! Again I almost for batem restated the conversation we had about that $10,000.00 bike in the garage! He admitted it was more like $25,000.00 he spent and that he had been SINGLE for almost 10 years and I couldn’t expect him to change overnight! Oh REALLY!!! I had NEVER been married and I had NEVER had to talk to ANYONE about my money or how I spent it…but I was trying! So, I simply explained it to him that when I purchased a $25,000.00 TENNIS BRACELET that only I would get the use out of, he best keep his damn mouth shut and accept it! His reply…YOU WOULD NEVER…no I didn’t think I would, but things changed and so had I!
Along with this new Harley…I had watched ROB gamble over $2,000.00 away one evening…not even really an evening, but a couple hours. You are probably wondering why this is so upsetting, right? Well, it was because he had already been out drinking for a rough 5 hours and I was sitting at home watching the money come out of the bank account when he had called and said he was on his way home! Oh yeah, I in my pajama’s stormed into Mystic Lake Casino and let him have it!
So, know that you have a little more into my WONDERFUL life, let’s get back to that wonderful first Thanksgiving dinner.
As you remember, I had been up all night trying to figure out what to do and make a dinner for 10 people. Yep, his parents, sister, my parents & my step-son. The table looked perfect with MY best china, the house smelt great and all was in place. When ROB finally decided to wake up and journey up to the kitchen from the guest room in our lower level where he slept that night, the first thing he saw was me in the kitchen crying. Do you know what his first words were? Yep, HONEY WHAT’S WRONG? Are you kidding me…with swollen red eyes, I spun on him and asked YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S WRONG? I WILL TELL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH WHAT’S WRONG! I married someone I thought had a heart and cared about me, but what I got was someone who only cared about himself and fuck the rest of the world or those in it. He just stood there. To his amazement, I asked him directly; DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID TO ME LAST NIGHT? His reply, not really. I started to laugh, if I only had had a camera to take a picture of him tilting his head and trying to figure out what was going on. I replayed the night instance for instance and word for word and then I added…SO LET’S DO THIS! He just stood there. I told him; he best get a move on, he still had to go pick up our son from his moms and people would be coming soon. At this point, he looked at me with a ghostly look on his face and said, I don’t really thing we should have Thanksgiving and I don’t think Pete (name changed to protect him) should come over either. I didn’t even face him with my reply of, OH HELL NO! WE ARE DOING THIS AND PETE WILL BE HERE ALSO. GET MOVING.
As ROB went off to shower, I took a deep breath and made my way from the kitchen to our sun room to sit and look out and get my plan together. Oh I wanted everyone there for this one. I thought how perfect this was going to be and I was going to leave him holding the spoon of guilt and having to answer LOTS of questions; especially from my mom & dad whom would not have a clue as to what just happened.
My plan…in my mind, this is how it was going to go. Since this was our first joint family gathering and everyone was expecting things to be special, I wanted to make the moment special. With that said, I saw things going down something like this:
Everyone would take their places at the table, I would bring over the turkey (that by the way was GREAT and everyone did love it), and once everyone was seated, I was going to pour the wine for those that did drink and sparkling juice for those that didn’t. At this wonderful moment, I was going to stand next to my newly BELOVED husband and say:
FIRST OFF, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF YOU FOR COMING TO OUR HAPPY HOME AND CELEBRATING THIS; OUR FIRST HOLIDAY TOGETHER. PLEASE EAT THIS TURKEY I HAVE SPENT ALL NIGHT PREPARING FOR YOU AND ENJOY! HOWEVER, SINCE MY ADORABLE HUSBAND PLANS TO FILE FOR DIVORCE TOMORROW I WILL NOT BE JOINING YOU.
And with that I was going to storm out the door and leave. Where I was going to go or what I was going to do…that I wasn’t sure of. But I am sure I would come up with something.
When ROB came home from picking up Pete, he had a gas station bouquet of flowers, a huge hug and tears with tons of SORRY’s. Only problem was, I had received so many of these bouquets, hugs and sorry’s, it didn’t really matter to me. But you know what somewhere, it did.
As the families started to come, I had a hard time looking at anyone or even mingling with anyone. My mom asked what was wrong & if she could help with anything so that I could relax a little. NO! I didn’t want to relax or have to look or talk with my parents! Then I would have lost it and started to cry all over again and my plan would be ruined.
My plan was ruined by my own heart. As we all gathered around the Thanksgiving table, I couldn’t do it! I looked into the eyes of my step-son that had such adoration, I saw my parents standing there and thought I can’t cause all this hurt for them and his family! Well, I wasn’t sure what his family would think, but I didn’t want to be the one that walked out on my marriage.
I took those vows, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, FOR RICHER OR POORER, IN SICKNESS & IN HEALTH. I told myself, this was his sickness & we would get through this also.
WOULD WE GET THROUGH THIS?
Look for my next entry and we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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A day to remember…
January 22, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 2002, 2003, 26, 95, ass, attorney, baby, balconies, bar, bitch, bouncers, bridesmaids, cab, cake, car, cards, champagne, church, cleaned, comment, commute, contractor, cunt, danced, die, dinner, divorce, dollar, drank, dreams, dress, driver, drove, ears, engaged, entertain, entry, face, families, faults, fixings, fuck, girl, girls, gittery, groggy, happines, holiday, Holiday Inn, home, host, hotel, independent, jaw, July, love, man, marriage, married, menu, minneosta, minnesota, money, moving, night, nope, november, parents, passing, pay, paying, perfect, phone, photographer, plans, police, promised, reception, relax, shock, shower, sister, skills, sleeve, smoke, stomach, story, streaming, suite, table, talking, tears, Thanksgiving, theme, time, toasted, train, turkey, warning, wedding | 3 comments
If you remember, the last we spoke, ROB and I had just gotten engaged. It was November 2002 and we set the wedding date for July 26, 2003, lots to do with little time. Since ROB had been married once before, he wanted me to have the wedding on my dreams and pretty much let me make the plans. I started, photographer…check; cake…check; dress…check; menu…check and so one. Then it came time to the reception spot. Right across from the church we were going to be married at was a Holiday Inn. How perfect, easy to commute to, people can stay and from what I had heard, they did a really nice job with weddings. So one night, ROB and I went over. We walked the hotel, had dinner, sat in the bar and even sat out on one of the balconies and just watched the people strolling by and talking. His comment was, “I THINK THIS IS IT! IT LOOKS & FEELS LIKE US AND THERE’S A COUPLE BARS CLOSE BY!” Right there should have been a huge clue! Did I take the warning? NOPE, I just thought it was a comment in passing. So we booked it! My parents were paying for the wedding so that SURELY didn’t bother ROB one bit…as a matter of fact, he never even asked how much it was going to cost.
The big day came. It was 95 in Minnesota, the church didn’t have air and I had on a long sleeve dress with a full train. I thought I was going to die! But it was great. I remember my dad being a little jittery, but hey, I’m his baby girl and from what I have heard, that’s just how dad’s act when this big day comes. We went on to the reception and all was fine. We danced, Rob drank, we toasted, Rob drank, we had the dollar dance, ROB drank. I think you see the theme here. The end of the night finally came and we went up to our suite. The bridesmaids had sent up food & champagne so that we could relax. I just remember wanting to take a shower and get out of that dress. All ROB could think about was opening those damn cards to see how much money was in them. Fine, let’s do this so I can get in the shower.
Four months into our marriage, Thanksgiving was coming. I told both families that I wanted to host since this was our first holiday together. I loved to entertain and put my skills to work. Two days before the big day, I had all the fixings ready to go. Since I had started a job where I was an independent contractor, I was able to work from home and make sure that everything was perfect. I set the table, cleaned the home and made sure everything was perfect. Not once did ROB acknowledge all the prework I had already done. The night before Thanksgiving, ROB called me and said that he was going to stop at the bar on his way home. It wasn’t going to be late as he was only going to have one and then be on his way home. I was shocked when he asked if there was anything he needed from the grocery store on his way home. I told him as a matter of fact there was about 4 things but I needed to know for sure that he would get them. He promised me, told me he loved and I would see him soon.
It was 11 o’clock when I finally went to bed and ROB had still not come home. Since I had to be up at 5 am to get the turkey going, I thought it in my best interest to get some sleep. At 1:15am my phone rang. Groggy as I was, I answered the phone and almost go sick to my stomach thinking something had happened to ROB! Oh yeah, something had happened all right, he had gotten completely wasted and the bouncers had told him that if they saw him leave the bar & drive, they would call the police. ROB’s sister thought it in ROB’s best interest to call me to come and get him. I told her to put him in a cab, I would wait for him to come home and pay the cab driver when they arrived. She said that he was very agitated and I better come now to get him. I had a 20 minute drive to get there. I crawled out of bed, still in my jammies, I put on my coat, got into my Mercedes he had gotten me and off I went. It was a cold snowy night, but I dredged forward. When I got to the bar, I pulled up front called ROB’s phone and told him I was out front and he had 2 minutes to get in the car. To my surprise, ROB hung up on me….OH REALLY, I thought!!!!! With smoke coming out of my ears, I stormed into that bar; walked right up to ROB and told him to get his ass in the car immediately. His jaw fell on the floor and he told me to get the fuck out of the bar.
I went out to the car and ROB followed behind me. Once we got onto the freeway, ROB started in…who the hell did I think I was to embarrass him like that in HIS bar? I was the biggest bitch he had ever met and what a cunt I had turned out to be. He had had it. We were going to do this Thanksgiving thing and the very next day, he was going to contact and attorney and divorce my ass.
I drove in shock the rest of the way home with tears streaming down my face. How could this have happened to me? All I had ever done was love this man and put up with some of his other faults…how could he say this to me? I remember sitting up the rest of that night; crying and trying to figure out what to do. Oh I figured it out. I was going to go forward with this Thanksgiving dinner, but I was the one that was going to make the toast and what a toast it would be.
See how that toast goes in the next entry of Moving onto Happiness…A Minnesota Girls Divorce Story!
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