Who could think that in 4 short and I mean very short months; one girl can go from being with a man she thought adored her, to actually being with someone who would & could do everything to hurt, manipulate and use her?  You maybe wondering how I come to this conclusion with just one fight and some name calling, right?  Well, let’s take a really quick trip down another short road  that happened.  In the three months prior to our first Thanksgiving together, ROB, lost his 3 figure income, talked to me about purchasing a used Harley Davidson…which I agreed to but only in the amount of roughly $10,000.00 as he had not found another job yet, had started to gamble (and NOT on a casual basis), and started staying out later and later with THE BOYS at the bar.  Oh and not to mention, that jackass pulled up in the driveway with not a used Harley Davidson, but a brand new 100th addition Fat Boy with a customer paint job.  He put me on the back of that damn thing and took was going to take me on a ride to meet some of our other BIKER FRIENDS!!!!! I was so tense he turned around a mile from our home.  Before the bike reached the driveway I think I was on the couch and ready to kill someone.  ROB, decided to come in and ask me, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?  My problem, oh know you want to know MY PROBLEM?  Let’s see, we agreed on something and ROB couldn’t even make that work.  Oh, I will tell you what MY PROBLEM is…I let him have it!  Again I almost for batem restated  the conversation we had about that $10,000.00 bike in the garage!  He admitted it was more like $25,000.00 he spent and that he had been SINGLE for almost 10 years and I couldn’t expect him to change overnight! Oh REALLY!!! I had NEVER been married and I had NEVER had to talk to ANYONE about my money or how I spent it…but I was trying!  So, I simply explained it to him that when I purchased a $25,000.00 TENNIS BRACELET that only I would get the use out of, he best keep his damn mouth shut and accept it!  His reply…YOU WOULD NEVER…no I didn’t think I would, but things changed and so had I!

Along with this new Harley…I had watched ROB gamble over $2,000.00 away one evening…not even really an evening, but a couple hours.  You are probably wondering why this is so upsetting, right?  Well, it was because he had already been out drinking for a rough 5 hours and I was sitting at home watching the money come out of the bank account when he had called and said he was on his way home!  Oh yeah, I in my pajama’s stormed into Mystic Lake Casino and let him have it!

So, know that you have a little more into my WONDERFUL life, let’s get back to that wonderful first Thanksgiving dinner.

As you remember, I had been up all night trying to figure out what to do and make a dinner for 10 people.  Yep, his parents, sister, my parents & my step-son.  The table looked perfect with MY best china, the house smelt great and all was in place.  When ROB finally decided to wake up and journey up to the kitchen from the guest room in our lower level where he slept that night, the first thing he saw was me in the kitchen crying.  Do you know what his first words were?  Yep, HONEY WHAT’S WRONG?  Are you kidding me…with swollen red eyes, I spun on him and asked YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S WRONG?  I WILL TELL YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH WHAT’S WRONG!  I married someone I thought had a heart and cared about me, but what I got was someone who only cared about himself and fuck the rest of the world or those in it.  He just stood there.  To his amazement, I asked him directly; DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID TO ME LAST NIGHT?  His reply, not really.  I started to laugh, if I only had had a camera to take a picture of him tilting his head and trying to figure out what was going on.  I replayed the night instance for instance and word for word and then I added…SO LET’S DO THIS!  He just stood there.  I told him; he best get a move on, he still had to go pick up our son from his moms and people would be coming soon.  At this point, he looked at me with a ghostly look on his face and said, I don’t really thing we should have Thanksgiving and I don’t think Pete (name changed to protect him) should come over either.  I didn’t even face him with my reply of, OH HELL NO! WE ARE DOING THIS AND PETE WILL BE HERE ALSO.  GET MOVING.

As ROB went off to shower, I took a deep breath and made my way from the kitchen to our sun room to sit and look out and get my plan together.  Oh I wanted everyone there for this one.  I thought how perfect this was going to be and I was going to leave him holding the spoon of guilt and having to answer LOTS of questions; especially from my mom & dad whom would not have a clue as to what just happened.

My plan…in my mind, this is how it was going to go.  Since this was our first joint family gathering and everyone was expecting things to be special, I wanted to make the moment special.  With that said, I saw things going down something like this:

Everyone would take their places at the table, I would bring over the turkey (that by the way was GREAT and everyone did love it), and once everyone was seated, I was going to pour the wine for those that did drink and sparkling juice for those that didn’t.  At this wonderful moment, I was going to stand next to my newly BELOVED husband and say:


And with that I was going to storm out the door and leave.  Where I was going to go or what I was going to do…that I wasn’t sure of.  But I am sure I would come up with something.

When ROB came home from picking up Pete, he had a gas station bouquet of flowers, a huge hug and tears with tons of SORRY’s.  Only problem was, I had received so many of these bouquets, hugs and sorry’s, it didn’t really matter to me.  But you know what somewhere, it did.

As the families started to come, I had a hard time looking at anyone or even mingling with anyone.  My mom asked what was wrong & if she could help with anything so that I could relax a little.  NO! I didn’t want  to relax or have to look or talk with my parents! Then I would have lost it and started to cry all over again and my plan would be ruined.

My plan was ruined by my own heart.  As we all gathered around the Thanksgiving table, I couldn’t do it!  I looked into the eyes of my step-son that had such adoration, I saw my parents standing there and thought I can’t cause all this hurt for them and his family!  Well, I wasn’t sure what his family would think, but I didn’t want to be the one that walked out on my marriage.

I took those vows, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, FOR RICHER OR POORER, IN SICKNESS & IN HEALTH.  I told myself, this was his sickness & we would get  through this also.


Look for my next entry and we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!

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