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Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
Just when you think it can’t get worse…
January 29, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: account, action, advise, alcoholic, appointment, arms, bank, bars, bay window, bedroom, bill, blackjack, bouncers, boy, breaking, brief, bullshit, business, california, care, casino, chair, chest, child, childhood, collector, computer, control, conversation, couch, coughing, counseling, counselor, crying, debt, discussing, divorce, drain, dreams, drinking, driveway, drunk, drunk driving, embezzled, face, factly, facts, family, father's, financial, friends, fucking, gambling, girl, happy, hard, head, hell, HELP, high, hour, houses, immediately, insight, job, jump, kidding, king, know, lake, left, legs, life, line, live, marriage, matter, maybe, melt down, minny, month, mother, muster, mystic, neighborhood, night, obstical, office, out, partner, personality, phone, prepare, pretend, problems, progressed, puked, recovered, Rob, save, separate, sessions, shaking, shocked, SOMEONE, something, son, sorry, stakes, story, streamed, strictly, tail, tears, telling, trouble, truck, true, victoriously, voice, window, withdrawal, women, worried, worse, years | Leave a comment
So, in a brief but very stressful 3 years, ROB has lost his job, embezzled from his partner from a business I started for him, drinking all the time and told me he was going to file for a divorce. Now doesn’t this sound like something every girl dreams of? This is surely not how my childhood dream of marriage was when I pretend.
Well, it’s time to face the true hard facts, JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…ROB started to not come home at night. Oh I would call and he would say I am on my way, an hour would pass, two would pass and I would call again only to hear the same lie I was told 2 hours ago, I am on my way home. Things got so out of hand with ROB’s drinking; I would sit up at night in my office watching out the bay window for his truck to pull into the driveway, just crying. What the hell did I ever do to deserve this in my life? At first it started out a few hours later than what he had told me; than it progressed to not coming home until well after 5am or so. Then, he started not coming home at night. I got the bullshit line of, I am at our friends house right in the neighborhood and too drunk to come home. RIGHT!!! You think I am that dumb? I knew he was fucking other women at other people’s houses. Little did ROB know, was that the bouncers at the bars and such were telling me so. JUST WHEN I THOUGHT IT CAN’T GET WORSE, one day I got up to go to work and ROB had not only driven home drunk, but puked down the whole side of his truck. I went to work, called him to try to talk with him and he told me I had no idea what I was talking about and that he only puked because he was coughing so hard. WHATEVER! I didn’t know what to do.
Due to our financial situation which was so far in debt we couldn’t go a day without a bill collector calling, ROB started gambling on top of everything else. I had never had to deal with a gambler so I was not sure how to deal with this new obstical in my marriage.
ROB’s mother has victoriously been a recovered alcoholic for 17 years of her life at this point in time of mine. So with my head hung low and my tail between my legs, I called her for advise. Now wouldn’t you think with this being your child and your only boy, you would jump into action to help him? I almost fell off my chair when I was talking with her. I remember crying on the phone and asking her to please keep this conversation strictly between her & I as I would really get in trouble with ROB for discussing our problems with his family. So I started telling her about the drinking and how it had progressed out of control, the gambling, the embezzlement and now the not coming home at night. Do you all know what her reply was to me? She said in a very direct voice and matter of factly…I am so sorry you are going through this. The best I can tell you is that if I had known then, what I know now, I would have left years ago. ROB is his father’s son and that is a matter of fact with what you are telling me here. Get out while you can. Don’t look back and go find something or someone who does make you happy. WHAT??? What the hell is this? Aren’t you the guys mother? Aren’t you worried about him and want to help him? I couldn’t say a word! I just sat there. All I could muster up was I had to go. I must have sat on the couch a good couple hours staring out the window. What am I to do?
That conversation was never spoke about again. About a month later, ROB went out on a binge, drinking and not coming home. I had learned that on nights when he didn’t come home, he was going to MYSTIC LAKE CASINO playing high stakes blackjack. I began to log onto the computer in my office and watch the bank accounts get drained. It would start out, with a withdrawal of $532.35 ($500.00 to gamble and $32.35 for a withdrawal fee). however, on this particular night, I watched as ROB cleared our bank account of $12,000.00. Tears streamed down my face for a good 4 hours. Yes, I had a minny melt down throwing things, breaking things and became someone who I didn’t know. This is not my personality or who I was. It was almost 9am when I went to bed. ROB & I shared a california king bed. I was shaking and crying so hard; the whole bed was shaking. Around 11am, ROB strolled in the door. Came into the bedroom and asked why I was still in bed. I just laid there; told him I knew what he had just done and that I couldn’t live like this anymore. ROB came to the bed, tears starting to stream down his face and him laying over my legs with his chest and arms and calmly said…I know I need help, I am willing to do anything you want cuz I don’t want to lose you and I can’t live without you in my life. Since I had had all night to think about this, I calmly replied, we have to start counseling and I mean immediately. However, I am NOT going to save you from this. You must find the counselor, make the appointment and show up to all the sessions. He agreed and I told him that I would not forget this conversation, so if he was just talking to calm me down, let’s just forget the whole deal and go our separate ways. He said absolutely not and that he would make the appointment right away.
Well, since I wanted my marriage to last; I found the counselor, made the appointment and told ROB when & where we were to be. I showed up and was very shocked when ROB actually walked through the door. Oh my! We were actually going to do this. Maybe he really did care, maybe he really did want help, MAYBE he really couldn’t live without me….who was I kidding?
As we walked into that office, how was I EVER to prepare myself for what was about to happen! JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT CAN’T GET WORSE…
Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!
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A day to remember…
January 22, 2012 in Uncategorized | Tags: 2002, 2003, 26, 95, ass, attorney, baby, balconies, bar, bitch, bouncers, bridesmaids, cab, cake, car, cards, champagne, church, cleaned, comment, commute, contractor, cunt, danced, die, dinner, divorce, dollar, drank, dreams, dress, driver, drove, ears, engaged, entertain, entry, face, families, faults, fixings, fuck, girl, girls, gittery, groggy, happines, holiday, Holiday Inn, home, host, hotel, independent, jaw, July, love, man, marriage, married, menu, minneosta, minnesota, money, moving, night, nope, november, parents, passing, pay, paying, perfect, phone, photographer, plans, police, promised, reception, relax, shock, shower, sister, skills, sleeve, smoke, stomach, story, streaming, suite, table, talking, tears, Thanksgiving, theme, time, toasted, train, turkey, warning, wedding | 3 comments
If you remember, the last we spoke, ROB and I had just gotten engaged. It was November 2002 and we set the wedding date for July 26, 2003, lots to do with little time. Since ROB had been married once before, he wanted me to have the wedding on my dreams and pretty much let me make the plans. I started, photographer…check; cake…check; dress…check; menu…check and so one. Then it came time to the reception spot. Right across from the church we were going to be married at was a Holiday Inn. How perfect, easy to commute to, people can stay and from what I had heard, they did a really nice job with weddings. So one night, ROB and I went over. We walked the hotel, had dinner, sat in the bar and even sat out on one of the balconies and just watched the people strolling by and talking. His comment was, “I THINK THIS IS IT! IT LOOKS & FEELS LIKE US AND THERE’S A COUPLE BARS CLOSE BY!” Right there should have been a huge clue! Did I take the warning? NOPE, I just thought it was a comment in passing. So we booked it! My parents were paying for the wedding so that SURELY didn’t bother ROB one bit…as a matter of fact, he never even asked how much it was going to cost.
The big day came. It was 95 in Minnesota, the church didn’t have air and I had on a long sleeve dress with a full train. I thought I was going to die! But it was great. I remember my dad being a little jittery, but hey, I’m his baby girl and from what I have heard, that’s just how dad’s act when this big day comes. We went on to the reception and all was fine. We danced, Rob drank, we toasted, Rob drank, we had the dollar dance, ROB drank. I think you see the theme here. The end of the night finally came and we went up to our suite. The bridesmaids had sent up food & champagne so that we could relax. I just remember wanting to take a shower and get out of that dress. All ROB could think about was opening those damn cards to see how much money was in them. Fine, let’s do this so I can get in the shower.
Four months into our marriage, Thanksgiving was coming. I told both families that I wanted to host since this was our first holiday together. I loved to entertain and put my skills to work. Two days before the big day, I had all the fixings ready to go. Since I had started a job where I was an independent contractor, I was able to work from home and make sure that everything was perfect. I set the table, cleaned the home and made sure everything was perfect. Not once did ROB acknowledge all the prework I had already done. The night before Thanksgiving, ROB called me and said that he was going to stop at the bar on his way home. It wasn’t going to be late as he was only going to have one and then be on his way home. I was shocked when he asked if there was anything he needed from the grocery store on his way home. I told him as a matter of fact there was about 4 things but I needed to know for sure that he would get them. He promised me, told me he loved and I would see him soon.
It was 11 o’clock when I finally went to bed and ROB had still not come home. Since I had to be up at 5 am to get the turkey going, I thought it in my best interest to get some sleep. At 1:15am my phone rang. Groggy as I was, I answered the phone and almost go sick to my stomach thinking something had happened to ROB! Oh yeah, something had happened all right, he had gotten completely wasted and the bouncers had told him that if they saw him leave the bar & drive, they would call the police. ROB’s sister thought it in ROB’s best interest to call me to come and get him. I told her to put him in a cab, I would wait for him to come home and pay the cab driver when they arrived. She said that he was very agitated and I better come now to get him. I had a 20 minute drive to get there. I crawled out of bed, still in my jammies, I put on my coat, got into my Mercedes he had gotten me and off I went. It was a cold snowy night, but I dredged forward. When I got to the bar, I pulled up front called ROB’s phone and told him I was out front and he had 2 minutes to get in the car. To my surprise, ROB hung up on me….OH REALLY, I thought!!!!! With smoke coming out of my ears, I stormed into that bar; walked right up to ROB and told him to get his ass in the car immediately. His jaw fell on the floor and he told me to get the fuck out of the bar.
I went out to the car and ROB followed behind me. Once we got onto the freeway, ROB started in…who the hell did I think I was to embarrass him like that in HIS bar? I was the biggest bitch he had ever met and what a cunt I had turned out to be. He had had it. We were going to do this Thanksgiving thing and the very next day, he was going to contact and attorney and divorce my ass.
I drove in shock the rest of the way home with tears streaming down my face. How could this have happened to me? All I had ever done was love this man and put up with some of his other faults…how could he say this to me? I remember sitting up the rest of that night; crying and trying to figure out what to do. Oh I figured it out. I was going to go forward with this Thanksgiving dinner, but I was the one that was going to make the toast and what a toast it would be.
See how that toast goes in the next entry of Moving onto Happiness…A Minnesota Girls Divorce Story!
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