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Well as you remember in the last post, ROB once again worked his magic of hurt on me.  But not only did he hurt me, he cut my heart into pieces and left it laying for all to dance on at the beach when he let some women fondle him at the campfire in front of our friends.  ROB and I did not speak to one another from that night on for about a week.  WHO DO I TRUST?? Most of my time day & night was spent with visions of that incident running through my head.  The image was so haunting that I didn’t want to close my eyes and the one thing I did learn about myself from that time, was I CAN NOT function without sleep.  I not only became disconnected from life, but I became disconnected with me.

In my career as a Real Estate agent, I had the ability to pick & choose not only whom I worked with, but when I actually worked.  Well, when you let on thing consume your every thought, minute and day…eventually it will consume your being.  I was not sure where to go, what to do, whom to talk to and more than not, WHOM TO TRUST with this most embarrassing & degrading thing.  I was also worried about that if I told someone about this beach instance, would they ask more, would I need to tell them more or would they just know that more happened and how pathetic would I look for not only staying in such a horrible situation, but let someone like this continue to treat me like this and not stand up for myself and make my life better by leaving?  WHO DO I TRUST?

It was time to get serious.  SERIOUS, what was that?  Nothing in my past 5 years had been serious; or at least that is how it felt to me now.  Part of me knew what I needed to do, part of me didn’t want to know what I needed to do and the majority of me didn’t know WHO DO I TRUST?

 At the time all of this most dreadful stuff was happening, I worked with someone who I trusted more than ever.  He would not only just let me vent; tell my story or be in my corner cheering me on no matter what, I knew that I could tell this person just about anything and they would never mention of it again.  That was what I needed most now.  Someone I could just let it all out to and see if they knew what I should do.  More than not, I needed a connection.  A connection that could give me some advice.  As I began to talk with this most precious friend, I could see the pain, disgust, amazement and most of all concern for me in their eyes.

As I walked out of that room from letting all of this out as to not only what had just happened, but more importantly what had happened over the past 5 years, I felt like someone lifted a 5000 lbs. brick off my chest.  Now I just needed to come up with the confidence I needed to talk with someone who could give me advice I could trust.  A LAWYER

Here we go…this is when the learning part of this blog really begins.  As this blog continues, you will learn about what happened to me in my experience in dealing with LAWYERS and things I wished someone would have told me to be more prepared, more able to protect myself and things I hope no one will ever have happen to them.

Check back soon to see where we go from here and WHO DO I TRUST?

If you are dealing with someone who you think maybe or is an alcoholic, please contact ALCOHOLIC ANONYMOUS and get help.  You can access their website at www.aa.org to find out more information.

If you are dealing with someone who you think maybe or is an out of control gambler, please contact GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS and get help.  You can access their website at http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/index.php to find out more information.

Look for my next entry as we come closer and closer to the conclusion to this marriage!

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As you recall, the last time we were together, ROB was drunk dialing my aunt and trying to find me.  After 11 years of being in a relationship with the same person I had met right after leaving ROB, I called it off with that person.  We had been engaged twice, had lots of firsts; but just couldn’t make it work.  So I moved on to what I thought would be greener pastures.  I dated a few guys, but for some reason ROB kept coming back to my mind.

I had a few bad relationships, got into some trouble and was kind of on a train out of control.  One night, my cousin called and said that her and a really good friend of ours were going to be going to a party.  I told her to have fun, be safe and call me in the morning.  No, No, No…there was going to be none of that.  I was to put on my summer dress, do my hair and wear my smile.  They were on their way to pick me up.  We met up with the guy she was seeing at the time and they brought us to a  party.  I wish I could tell you all where this party was, but truly I have no idea other than I knew I was a long way from home and didn’t know anyone at this party.

I started to mingle and then WHAM it happened…as I am talking with a gentlemen, I hear my name from behind me.  I turned around and there he was…ROB! WOW! What a site.  His piercing blue eyes, that dark hair and  smile.  He looked the same as I had always remembered him.  He asked if I even remembered who he was…oh I remembered.  We talked for sometime and he asked me for my number.  I gave it to him and as my cousing & I were driving home, me telling my cousin all that went on and who he was, my phone rang.  It was ROB.  Oh lord, she told me answer it and the rest was history.  We spent every moment together from then on.

He was charming, thoughtful, generous & kind.  Or so I thought.  We were together for about 2 months I moved into his place.  We took a couple of trips together, I got to meet his friends that lived out-of-state.  He sent a dozen long stem red roses to my work every other week like clock work.  I got a song a day every day with the kindest notes attached via email each morning I went to work professing his love and how he could not live again without me in his life.  My co-workers LOVED him, what a splendid guy, he would send my department lunch once in a while.

We started dating in June, by August I was living with him, November we got engaged…he took me to Mexico, chartered a boat and proposed to me with a Tiffany’s ring and over a 1 carat center stone.  I remember standing on that boat thinking what the hell!!!!  How can this be happening to me? Is this for real?  I am ready to be an instant mom?  Oh yeah, did I mention he had a son from a previous marriage and cheated on his first wife with another girl I had gone to high school with?  Yeah, that happened.  If I am going to bring you up to date, I guess I have to give you all the gory details.  I accepted his ring, we celebrated and I thought the magic was going to be fabulous.

We talked; I mean we talked about EVERYTHING!  I told him how hurt I was when he cheated on me in the past, but I guess it was meant to be as he got a wonderful son out of it, whom I had grown to love and adore with every piece of my heart.  I remember asking him, “IF WE EVER BECOME FLAT BROKE AND LIVING IN A BOX UNDER A BRIDGE, WOULD YOU STILL LOVE ME ENOUGH TO STICK WITH ME THROUGH THE TOUGH TIMES?”  His reply, was that he had looked for me for 15 years; nothing ever again would come between us…what a crock of crap that turned out to be.

The story continues…stay tuned for more!

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